CEO Wendy Asks Angry Mob: “What’s Wrong with Young, Feminist Capitalism, Anyway?”
Breaking News: She may be the young heir-apparent to the Great Wealthy Wizard of the Diamond Empire and a high-tech genius in her own right. But can Wendy survive that “other” revolution going on in Cadabra – the violent overthrow of the government by a desperate and starving population? Wendy’s flippant and “funny” remarks aren’t helping and she’s making more enemies every day. Diamonds may be a girl’s best friend…but this girl needs a miracle.
(6:59, Fairy Tale Time, Cadabra)-“Eat the Rich, Eat the Rich!” poverty-stricken people from all ends of Cadabra scream, as they rise up against the wealthy “elites” – including the notorious celebrity CEO Wendy. Talk of feminism and freedom isn’t enough to satisfy the bloodlust of the poor and disenfranchised. Wendy and her family are running out of time and she has turned most of Cadabra against her – human, talking animal, robot and monster alike!
Journalists are spreading conspiracy theories about Wendy’s strange family history. Revolutionary warriors and witches are staging violent protests. Even the neighboring kings and queens of Cadabra are losing confidence in Wendy’s people skills. For a woman with such great responsibility, she doesn’t have much charisma…nor any solutions apparently. Her latest suggestion of “suicide cafes” for the poor is a sick joke – and we’re not laughing. Maybe it’s time for this “little princess” to stop playing God and resign already.
Our calls to Diamond Headquarters and Wendy’s answering machine were answered by a customer service spambot, as usual. This woman’s refusal to talk to the press is only sinking her ship faster. Beware the Ides of Ever After, kid.
Book 3: The Watchmaker’s Child
The Watchmaker’s Child Cliff Notes
Summary: “Playing God is much harder than it looks on TV, even with unlimited technology at your disposal. Secrets must be protected or empires crumble. This is Wendy’s story.”
The Pitch: “What if you could hear the unflattering thoughts of the God who abandoned you? What if you found out more than you could handle?”
Plot: CEO Wendy, the second-in-command of the Diamond Empire, must play God every day to keep her people afloat. Meanwhile, journalists, horrorists witches, political enemies and an unruly mob of poor people are constantly attacking her empire. Wendy is also protecting a secret about her father Wardiz…a doozy, since revealing this secret could cost her everything. Telling the truth is not as convenient as minimizing violence. But even Wendy has a breaking point and the consequences could be world-changing.
Love Story: Pansexual, Gay, Omnisexual, Gender Fluidity
Genre: Tragic Parody, otherwise known as a mishmash of Dark Comedy, Political Allegory, War Novel and Psychological Trauma
Audience: Freethinking Adults, Millennials, LGBTQ readers, Internet fanfiction readers, metaphysical and conspiracy readers, mindfuck readers, outliers (See Outcast Culture)
Narrator: Third Person, but a bit of an eccentric and an angry old fool who reveals his own prejudices
Motifs: Motherhood, war, anarchy, abuse and recovery, suicide, social isolation, eat the rich, Mariana’s Web, masochism
Symbols: Robots, disguises, high-tech computerized societies, futurist fashions
Writing Style: Comedy Drama, Sci-Fi and Fairy Tale Mishmash, Political Allegory, BDSM fanfiction
Inspirations: Scary YouTube Videos, Religious & Metaphysical Research, Our Town, Watchmen, South Park
Moral of the Story: Love is multi-dimensional, but the dangers of social isolation abound. Happy endings are always possible. Love can be more powerful than hate. True friendship is forever.
Fun Facts about CEO Wendy
- The “Smart” Princess who loves to play God
- CEO of the Diamond Empire, a free market society based on radical leisure technology
- Her father is President Wardiz, though he’s been missing in action
- A child prodigy and now a teenage executive with the world in her hands
- Got rich by giving the people what they wanted, not what they needed
- Is often called an ice queen, emotionally vacant, robotic and without a heart
- Very often misquoted by the press
- Possibly asexual
- Everyone in Cadabra has a bone to pick with Wendy, since she’s seen as the arch nemesis of everybody
- Uses a mass surveillance system and ultra-computer setup she calls the Watchmaker
- Doesn’t get out too much
- Hasn’t seen her former playmates Princess Mary or Princess Blossom in ten years
Wendy CEO Memorable Quotes
“I remember the first time I prayed. I felt it a very queer thing to do, since I was told to pray aloud so that the omniscient one could hear me. I remembered what they told me to pray for. Things, blessings, protection and motivation. They told me to keep my prayer honest above everything else. So when that time came and I felt the words slowly inching out from my mouth, descending upon no one’s ears but my own, and having no earthly idea if anyone else was really listening, I decided only to give a prayer of thanks.
If you want people to love you, dream. Do nothing else but dream. Your sadness, your failure, will let you bond with other failures. But if you want people to hate you, then achieve something. Follow your passions and check off your goals one by one. Because the world hates successful people like us. People who don’t stop dreaming but who stubbornly hold onto to that visualization until it comes to fruition. They hate us because we dare to stop dreaming and start creating.
Life is suffering. Life is sacrifice. Life is a test. Life is a vow. Life is shit. Life is unfair. We all say such vitriolic things. So many meaningless words have been written in a desperate attempt to make sense of what we just experienced. By the end of our lives, we hate our Gods, we tear down our country, we hurt our friends and we blame it all on our enemies. But at the end of the line, as you breathe in your last, there is only one racing thought. ‘If I could, I would do it all over again.’ Nobody actually has any regrets about what they are, what they’ve done. We’re just a little sore that it has to end. Because, like big children, all we really want is to go ride the roller coaster one more time.”
Wendy CEO Inspirations
“The princess war trilogy goes in ascending order. From Princess to Saint and so the last step to the top is God. The Female GODDESS, or Aphrodite or Shakti, is what Wendy represents, not only metaphorically speaking but also in the sense that she is the consummate politician and what they all do is play God. She’s playing a deadly game, one that she has to win since she is the “Watchmaker” working in god’s absence. I immediately thought of Hillary Clinton, a polarizing figure, equally loved and criticized…”
“Politicians are sociopathic and rationalize that they must make difficult life and death decisions every day because no one else wants the job. Anyone taking on the role of God can’t afford to exclusively good or exclusively evil. Wendy is more of a classic anti-hero than a villain. The fact that she is a technical wizard and has an empire of leisure technology is a nod to Steve Jobs. Then again if someone is foolish enough to provoke her she is a Princess Mombi disaster just waiting to happen…”
“What we have in Book 3 are several anti-conflicts. All of these antagonists are against Wendy, making life inconvenient for her somehow, but oftentimes they don’t even realize what they’re doing. We can only presume Wendy has a backup plan that will save civilization as we know it. Wendy thinks like a computer. She thinks in numbers and views mankind as mostly weaker members of her species who need micromanagement just to survive another day. She doesn’t like to go to war but she feels she has to occasionally, or else mankind destroys each other out of boredom. Doctor Manhattan from Watchmen certainly comes to mind when visualizing her detachment from society…”
“Betty Draper and Lucille Bluth were painted as Evil Matriarchal figures. But as we learn, Wendy just wants people to hate her so she makes all of these heinous comments. There’s a reason why she needs to be hated, as we later learn…”
“Social outcast viewpoints like Sara from The Maxx, Mister James Stevens from The Remains of the Day, or even HAL from 2001: A Space Odyssey, a rather misunderstood artificial being…
“Her intellectual, emotional and deconstructive way of speaking is inspired by Our Town, a wonderful screenplay by Thornton Wilder that left a mark on the creative process…”
Fun Facts About Randian
- A very tall man, in fact, a big black giant
- Young and naive, but determined to start a revolution
- Did he mention he’s a damn big man?
- Over-emphasizes every sentence with indignant righteousness, hence the *Dramatic* Asterisks.
- Likes to call people “good” and “evil”, not much for seeing the grey areas of morality and ethical behavior
- Does not have any family because he considers his friends his “family”
- Doesn’t have much of a sense of humor…like at all
- Has had a very tragic life full of strange and disturbing stories of people he knew who suffered
- Likes to tell stories about his tragic life and the people he knew and suffered
- Very often talks about evil people he knew, and how he made them suffer
- Is determined to talk to either Wendy or Wardiz, about how the rich oppress the poor
- He wants answers NOW or the rich will have to answer to him and his mob of followers
- He goes through a significant series of events that are not at all what we expect in the beginning.
- Randian has no sense of humor and seems miserable, churlish and angsty
- A good “straight man” to play off the comedy of Jerry Quinn and Dark Wraith
“My name is Randian. I have turned eighteen today and am now a man. And I am not afraid. I have decided that I am now too big for my home. But before I help other people, I must know for myself what I am fighting for and if this way is just.
“It appears to me that you are playing games with these evil men. Instead of removing them from power. If a man abuses his power, that man must be removed. That is my law. That is my negotiation.”
You obviously don’t know anything about how to start a revolution. I am wasting my time with you.
You people say that you’re unhappy. Because they are rich and you are not. Because they have power over your lives. The problem is not the things these stupid men do. The problem is that they are rich. And you. Are not. That is the problem I see. For any man who would see a boy starving, crying for help, and then not share his riches is not a man. He is no man I would respect.”
I am going to go talk to this Wardiz. For I am afraid of nobody, no matter his riches or technology. If Wardiz is too afraid to show his face then he is not a man that deserves my attention. I will go to this Wendy, the one brave enough to show herself, and demand that she explain why people are poor and starving.”
“Randian is a simple character at first glance and his simplicity reminds us of Sparta, Genghis Khan or Alexander the Great. This somewhat shallow quest of war parallels the simplified “evil” TV depiction of CEO Wendy. But we later learn that both Randian and Wendy are hiding bigger secrets…”
“One can definitely hear Keith David’s Goliath voice when Randian speaks, sounding so sanctimonious and yet he is not able to hear how absurd he sounds to other people. Randian was a great straight man to play off the comedy of characters like Jerry Quinn…”
“The fact that he’s Andre the Giant-esque and an avenging angel type like Michael is a bit of a red herring creatively. Ultimately it’s not the “war” that matters, but what this freedom fighter actually learns on his quest…”
“I always admired Dimoun Hounsou. He would be a good choice to play Randian, though even that giant of a man isn’t nine feet tall like Randian, who is a bit more than a regular man. He’s an ultra-hero, in the tradition of Luke Cage or Black Panther.”
Fun Facts About Jerry Quinn
- Bizarre sense of humor that makes no sense
- Strange way of talking to people that makes no sense
- Thinks he’s hosting a live talk show and often makes jokes to the studio audience…but no one is actually there
- May be a high-functioning “Aspie”, as he has some problems with social interaction
- Salem the witch’s long lost brother…he’s on a mission to find his family
- Has a huge resume filled with hundreds of odd jobs, and jobs that make no sense
- Tends to bluff his way through interviews…and his interview answers make no sense
- Makes up words because most people don’t know a fake word from an obscure word
- Just landed a job with Cadabra supervillain Tom Callin of the Outskirts
- Is very gay but doesn’t seem to understand how romance works
- Refers to men he likes as “lovely young ladies”
- Surprisingly eloquent when he’s high on drugs (and aren’t we all?)
Jerry Quinn Memorable Quotes
“My writing class a long time ago taught me to use illustrations to deliver emotional highlights in a speech. I think my problem is that I do tend to exacerbate people. I think I just have a certain profound writing ability. The way I put words together, it inoculates people’s values and strips away their protective veil. I masticate truth. I’m a masticater. Yeah, a big masticator.
I think I want to be a talk show host because that’s what the dude on the VCR does!
Ladies and gentleman, we have a great show for you tonight. And I’m not just saying that because the guy with the cue cards is telling me to say that. This is going to be one for the Best of Late Night.
“Well that’s lovely I mean, Hell, in my eyes the worst thing that could have happened was that you end up with a loser like me. Seriously. You deserve a big house. You deserve a nice young, ah, you know, a nice young man to call your own. It’s what everyone deserves. Everyone but me apparently. But don’t worry about me. I’ve got Ziggly the Squirrel. And I admire his nuts. Am I right, people? He’s got great nuts.”
No, no, don’t feel bad about me. I’m relieved. I mean, romance is so costly, you know. It’s so random and such a game of wits. It’s exhausting. Well…I find it just ruthlessly vexing. I don’t think guys like me are manufactured for that kind of thing. Romance. My life as a talk show host is compatible with the, you know, the people out there.”
Jerry Quinn Inspirations
“Jerry does have a lot of funny one-liners but the real joke is that he’s imitating Johnny Carson, Jerry Seinfeld and David Letterman when he talks to people. What he creates are facades, characters like he sees on TV, hoping that acting like THAT can help him deal with people around him…”
“It seems like he’s trolling you, the Andy Kaufman rebuttal. He brings conflict and confusion to the situation, rather than follow up with verbal cues. He’s actually just not communicating very well and is not conveying his message like a normal adult. It feels like he’s trolling you, when he’s just trying to be funny…”
“He also resembles Cosmo Kramer from Seinfeld. He’s not “slow” like Forrest Gump or Rain Man. His brain is just operating too fast, and going places most of us can’t follow…Ricky Gervais’ brand of comedy also comes to mind…”
The neurotic and un-saintly character of Jodie Dallas from Soap is an inspiration as is Monty Python’s sense of humor, including the tendency to dress up in drag…because you know, that’s what all the talk show hosts eventually do…”
“Jerry Quinn was originally designed to be a comic relief guy, and Salem the witch’s brother. But since all of our comedy takes place in a very tragic and dangerous world, we take the time to explore the pain and mental disorders that actually DO create funny people. So Jerry was a huge creative challenge…not only writing a flawed gay character but also making him difficult to understand, hard to like, and yet the most poignant pathos of the series yet because we learn he is depressed, suicidal and just all out of options by the end. He is in the tradition of Peter Sellers and Lars and the Real Girl. A man who is confined to his own world, or his own view of the world…”
Fun Facts About Gemini
- A tough-talking prostitute that hates it when people pity her
- Learned to kill a man when she was a teen and a kill vampire in her twenties
- Hot-tempered Latina and swears like a sailor
- Self-loathing and bitter about her shameful past
- Hates royalty and the 1% of Cadabra’s rich kingdoms
- Learned a lot of “tricks” when she was a pro, men have no complaints
- She has a special undefined relationship with the “Witches” of the Wilderness
- Has a heart somewhere, buried under that rough exterior…and then ten layers under that
- Likes cats, not dogs
- Likes to encourage men to take a swing at her because she always wins
- She doesn’t know what to do with love or with compassion. It provokes her.
- Ironically though, when a man is strong enough to find her heart under all that rage, he truly discovers a teacher, a mother, a compassionate mentor.
Gemini Memorable Quotes
“I was born on shit and I’m going to die on an even bigger pile of shit. Why do you royals feel the need to clean us up…
No one here is better than anyone else. We’re all orphans of Cadabra. We have no rank. All we have is what we have in our hands at the end of the day. That’s something you will never understand, rich boy.
Save me? I don’t need saving. My parents died a long time ago. People stopped caring about me a long time ago. I am the casual bride of scum and refuse. But let’s get one thing straight. I have never asked anyone for a favor. Never.
Some of the orphans…I remember the day they all got dogs as presents. It was our first pet. The other boys and girls, they loved those furry demons and hugged them and squeezed them and pet them. They all hurried to the front of the line and grabbed the cutest and biggest dogs. By the time I got there all that was left for me was a cat. A white little kitty cat with midget legs. When I first reached out to him, expecting him to love me like a dog would, he scratched and hissed at me. I was so terrified and then angry…until I realized that he just did it because he was afraid of me. Everyone told me to give the cat back and put it down. There was no hope left for such a feral creature. But I took that cat, scratches and all and I made it love me. And I was the center of its little universe. Ever since then…all I’ve ever wanted were cats. Lost creatures, angry little buggers. The ones that cry in confusion and strike out at the ones that need the most. Because once they love, they love just as hard as they strike.”
“She is the classic Aldonza / Dulcinea character, the prostitute everybody despises, at least until one man sees her as a beautiful princess of honor. It’s a wonderful tragedy we re-explore from a more contemporary perspective…”
“She’s not just a badass, she’s a Scarface-like gangster and as sadistic or cruel as she has to be. Nurse Ratched also comes to mind, not necessarily that she’s evil, but that it’s her way or the high way, when interacting with a woman this powerful…”
“Her murderous behavior and inability to control her psychosis recalls to mind the tragic figure of Aileen Wuornos. Her skill level is certainly comparable to Kill Bill’s bride character, or perhaps even the cold-heartedness of Serial Mom…”
“In her softer scenes, when she shows her true heart she becomes a teacher, a healer, recalling Sister Helen Prejean of Dead Man Walking fame…”
“She fights really hard against all the cliches men want to see in her, the likable Latina princess like Salma Hayek or the Pretty Woman happy hooker cliche…she’s not only a Domme in the BDSM world, she’s really a monster trying her damndest not to lose all control and go postal. In the end, she really wants to help people who have suffered like her, the lost orphans of Cadabra…”
But that’s not how it ends. Sorry if you were under the impression that The Watchmaker’s Child was the feel-good, epic finale and were left crushed in spirit. There’s actually one more book planned to tie up the loose ends and it’s called The Broken Divine. Check out the preview.
Confused about the King of when and the Empire of where? You won’t be, after consulting our Cadabra Island Travel Guide, a Wiki page that helps you plan your amazingly safe and completely harmless trip to Cadabra Island. Just look at the locals…how could you not trust these wonderful people?