Watchmaker’s Child

Playing God is much harder than it looks on TV, even with unlimited technology at your disposal. Secrets must be protected or empires crumble. This is Wendy’s story.




CEO Wendy

“I remember the first time I prayed.  I felt it a very queer thing to do, since I was told to pray aloud so that the omniscient one could hear me.  I remembered what they told me to pray for.  Things, blessings, protection and motivation.  They told me to keep my prayer honest above everything else.  So when that time came and I felt the words slowly inching out from my mouth, descending upon no one’s ears but my own, and having no earthly idea if anyone else was really listening, I decided only to give a prayer of thanks.

If you want people to love you, dream.  Do nothing else but dream.  Your sadness, your failure, will let you bond with other failures. But if you want people to hate you, then achieve something.  Follow your passions and check off your goals one by one.  Because the world hates successful people like us.  People who don’t stop dreaming but who stubbornly hold onto to that visualization until it comes to fruition. They hate us because we dare to stop dreaming and start creating. 

Life is suffering.  Life is sacrifice.  Life is a test.  Life is a vow.  Life is shit.  Life is unfair. We all say such vitriolic things.  So many meaningless words have been written in a desperate attempt to make sense of what we just experienced.  By the end of our lives, we hate our Gods, we tear down our country, we hurt our friends and we blame it all on our enemies.  But at the end of the line, as you breathe in your last, there is only one racing thought.  ‘If I could, I would do it all over again.’  Nobody actually has any regrets about what they are, what they’ve done.  We’re just a little sore that it has to end.  Because, like big children, all we really want is to go ride the roller coaster one more time. 


  • The “Smart” Princess
  • Loves to play God
  • CEO of the Diamond Empire, a free market society based on radical leisure technology
  • Her father is President Wardiz, though he’s been missing in action
  • A child prodigy and now a teenage executive with the world in her hands
  • Got rich by giving the people what they wanted, not what they needed
  • Is often called an ice queen, emotionally vacant, robotic and without a heart
  • Very often misquoted by the press
  • Possibly asexual
  • Everyone in Cadabra has a bone to pick with Wendy, since she’s seen as the arch nemesis of everybody
  • Uses a mass surveillance system and ultra-computer setup she calls the Watchmaker
  • Doesn’t get out too much
  • Hasn’t seen her former playmates Princess Mary or Princess Blossom in ten years



“My name is RandianI have turned eighteen today and am now a man.  And I am not *afraid*.  I have decided that I am now too big for my home. But before I help other people, I must know for myself what I am fighting for and if this way is just.  

“It appears to me that you are playing *games* with these evil men.  Instead of *removing* them from power.  If a man abuses his power, that man must be removed.  That is *my law*.  That is *my negotiation*.”

You obviously don’t know *anything* about how to start a revolution.  I am *wasting* my time with you.

You people say that you’re unhappy.  Because they are rich and you are not.  Because they have power over your lives.  The problem is not the things these stupid men do.  The problem is that they are *rich*.  And you.  Are *not*.  That is the *problem* I see.  For any man who would see a boy starving, crying for help, and then not share his riches is not a man.  He is no man *I* would respect.”

I am going to go talk to this Wardiz.  For I am afraid of nobody, no matter his riches or *technology*. If Wardiz is too afraid to show his face then he is not a man that deserves my attention.  I will go to this *Wendy*, the one brave enough to show herself, and demand that *she* explain why people are poor and starving.”


  • A very tall man, in fact, a big black giant
  • Young and naive, but determined to start a revolution
  • Did he mention he’s a damn big man?
  • Over-emphasizes every sentence with indignant righteousness, hence the *Dramatic* Asterisks.
  • Likes to call people “good” and “evil”, not much for seeing the grey areas of morality and ethical behavior
  • Does not have any any family because he considers his friends his “family”
  • Doesn’t have much of a sense of humor…like at all
  • Has had a very tragic life full of strange and disturbing stories of people he knew who suffered
  • Likes to tell stories about his tragic life and the people he knew and suffered
  • Very often talks about evil people he knew, and how he made them suffer
  • Is determined to talk to either Wendy or Wardiz, about how the rich oppress the poor
  • He wants answers NOW or the rich will have to answer to him and his mob of followers



Jerry Quinn

“My writing class a long time ago taught me to use illustrations to deliver emotional highlights in a speech. I think my problem is that I do tend to exacerbate people.  I think I just have a certain profound writing ability.  The way I put words together, it inoculates people’s values and strips away their protective veil.  I masticate truth.  I’m a masticater.  Yeah, a big masticator.

I think I want to be a talk show host because that’s what the dude on the VCR does!

“Well that’s lovely I mean, Hell, in my eyes the worst thing that could have happened was that you end up with a loser like me.  Seriously.  You deserve a big house.  You deserve a nice young, ah, you know, a nice young man to call your own.  It’s what everyone deserves. Everyone but me apparently. But don’t worry about me.  I’ve got Ziggly the Squirrel.  And I admire his nuts.  Am I right, people?  He’s got great nuts.”

No, no, don’t feel bad about me.  I’m relieved.  I mean, romance is so costly, you know.  It’s so random and such a game of wits.  It’s exhausting.  Well…I find it just ruthlessly vexing.  I don’t think guys like me are manufactured for that kind of thing.  Romance.  My life as a talk show host is compatible with the, you know, the women out there.”


  • Bizarre sense of humor that makes no sense
  • Strange way of talking to people that makes no sense
  • Thinks he’s hosting a live talk show and often makes jokes to the studio audience…but no one is actually there
  • May be a high-functioning “Aspie”, as he has some problems with social interaction
  • Salem the witch’s long lost brother…he’s on a mission to find his family
  • Has a huge resume filled with hundreds of odd jobs, and jobs that make no sense
  • Tends to bluff his way through interviews…and his interview answers make no sense
  • Makes up words because most people don’t know a fake word from an obscure word
  • Just landed a job with Cadabra supervillain Tom Callin of the Outskirts
  • Is very gay but doesn’t seem to understand how romance works
  • Refers to men he likes as “lovely young ladies”
  • Surprisingly eloquent when he’s high on drugs (and aren’t we all?)



I was born on shit and I’m going to die on an even bigger pile of shit.  Why do you royals feel the need to clean us up…

No one here is better than anyone else.  We’re all orphans of Cadabra.  We have no rank.  All we have is what we have in our hands at the end of the day.  That’s something you will never understand, rich boy.

Save me? I don’t need saving.  My parents died a long time ago.  People stopped caring about me a long time ago.  I am the casual bride of scum and refuse. But let’s get one thing straight.  I have never asked anyone for a favor.  Never.

Some of the orphans…I remember the day they all got dogs as presents.  It was our first pet.  The other boys and girls, they loved those furry demons and hugged them and squeezed them and pet them.  They all hurried to the front of the line and grabbed the cutest and biggest dogs.  By the time I got there all that was left for me was a cat.  A white little kitty cat with midget legs. When I first reached out to him, expecting him to love me like a dog would, he scratched and hissed at me.  I was so terrified and then angry…until I realized that he just did it because he was afraid of me.  Everyone told me to give the cat back and put it down.  There was no hope left for such a feral creature.  But I took that cat, scratches and all and I made it love me.  And I was the center of its little universe.  Ever since then…all I’ve ever wanted were cats.  Lost creatures, angry little buggers.  The ones that cry in confusion and strike out at the ones that need the most.  Because once they love, they love just as hard as they strike.”


  • A tough-talking prostitute that hates it when people pity her
  • Learned to kill a man when she was a teen and a kill vampire in her twenties
  • Hot-tempered Latina and swears like a sailor
  • Self-loathing and bitter about her shameful past
  • Hates royalty and the 1% of Cadabra’s rich kingdoms
  • Learned a lot of “tricks” when she was a pro, men have no complaints
  • She has a special undefined relationship with the “Witches” of the Wilderness
  • Has a heart somewhere, buried under that rough exterior…and then ten layers under that
  • Likes cats, not dogs
  • Likes to encourage men to take a swing at her because she always wins


The Witches

“Witches are the ones that pioneered same sex relationships, hon. We are iconoclasts. For a long time we have dismantled the structures that Literate Civilization has introduced with their rules and standards. We outgrew the concept of Sapphic and Two Spirit sexuality a long time ago. They are labels worn by a society with a neurotic definition of private identity. The scale of human sexuality is very complex. Those who insist they are only Sapphic or only Two Spirit are clinging to a social construct volunteered by people with a very peripheral vision of unity. It’s insulting. Thinking people realize that no one is entirely a breeder or a bumper. Much like any animal, we have the ability to adapt our bodies and sexuality according to environmental changes.

We, the outliers, the revolutionaries and the independents will burn every last trace of these democracies, monarchies and oligarchies that have plagued us for thousands of years. But people will be left. Small societies. Villages. Neighborhoods. Independent lands where people will be allowed to live happily ever after. Making crafts and jewelry. Creating art. Procreating and eating. We will live like animals. It will be anarchy. And it will be beautiful. Certainly you understand the wisdom of anarchy as opposed to the corporate world of kings and queens.”

Give me your orphans, your lost sheep and ugly ducklings, the ones you despise, the ones you pity because they’re dying. I’ll save them. I’ll give them a home. I’ll turn your trash into Great Living Art. And I will teach them not to pray, nor give vows. And they will live happily ever after, without You.”


  • Somewhere beyond the Wilderness, Witches lie in wait.
  • Namely Bianca Natalie, the heretic witch, and an exiled soldier named Rita
  • They believe in anarchy – the right to reject all centralized jurisdiction and let small societies make their own rules
  • They have a few predictions about how the world is going to end and what will be left to rebuild
  • They’re not exactly licensed professionals.
  • But they have uncanny powers the likes of which no witch to the west can ever fathom
  • They do so much “astral travel” they got frequent flyer miles!
  • Transgender change is so yesterday. With a little magic, true gender fluidity can be achieved.
  • But how can anyone trust a coven of witches?


Author L. M. Warren Says…


“I knew that my princess war trilogy seemed to be going in ascending order.  From Princess to Saint…and so the last step to the top was God.  The Female GODDESS, or Aphrodite or Shakti, is what Wendy represents, not only metaphorically speaking but also in the sense that she is the consummate politician and what they all do is play God.  Politicians are sociopathic and they rationalize that they make these very difficult life and death decisions every day because no one else wants the job.  Blossom may have been an evil queen, but anyone taking on the role of God can’t afford to exclusively good or exclusively evil.  Wendy therefore is more of a classic anti-hero than a villain.

Wendy is playing a deadly game, one that she has to win since she is the “Watchmaker” and the one who pulls the strings of Cadabra’s political happenings.  I immediately thought of HILLARY CLINTON and BARACK OBAMA, people who have been glorified by the American press for their heroism, but who are also equally despised by the alternative media and international public for their cruelty.  I felt that in order to be honest with myself, I had to empathize with this archetype of a politician.  Why do they lie?  Why do they kill and why do they think they are doing a greater good?  Because they are essentially playing God. And in telling their story, I can hear their soul, in agony, and living with such a moral burden.

Wendy calls herself sociopathic but that might not be a technically accurate definition.  She is capable of making moral choices but she thinks like a computer.  She thinks in numbers and views mankind as mostly weaker members of her species who need micromanagement just to survive another day.  She doesn’t like to go to war but she feels she has to occasionally, or else mankind destroys each other out of boredom.  DOCTOR MANHATTAN from Watchmen certainly comes to mind when visualizing her detachment from society.

The fact that she is a technical wizard and has an empire of leisure technology is a nod to STEVE JOBS, and naturally, if someone is foolish enough to provoke her, she is a PRINCESS MOMBI disaster just waiting to happen.  But what I found most fascinating about the character was her tragedy, her pain and her complete inability to share her feelings with fellow humans. She may very well have it worse than her friends Mary and Blossom.  I compared her to classic social outcast characters like SARA from THE MAXX, MISTER JAMES STEVENS from The Remains of the Day, or even HAL from 2001, a rather misunderstood artificial being.  But when I think about the metaphor of the Goddess as Earth’s Mother, I must say that strong and manipulative female figures like BETTY DRAPER and LUCILLE BLUTH are also fitting, since they consider their conniving to be a natural attribute of motherhood…a will to survive and provide for one’s hungry children at any cost.


Randian is a simple character at first glance and his simplicity, think JESUS CHRIST meets ALEXANDER THE GREAT, is a parallel to the simplified TV depiction of CEO Wendy.  But as the story progresses we see that something else is going on with Wendy.  She’s not petty and cruel like she pretends to be…she just thinks she’s God.  And Randian’s character also goes through a significant series of events that are not at all what we expect in the beginning.  The fact that he’s a GIANT and a pseudo-superhero is a bit of a red herring creatively.  Ultimately it’s not the “war” that matters, but what this freedom fighter actually learns on his quest.  One of my favorite things about Randian was his total lack of humor and miserable personality, which was so over the top angsty and churlish that it became rather funny.  He was a perfect straight man to play off of comedic characters like Jerry Quinn and Dark Wraith.  I can definitely hear Keith David’s GOLIATH voice when I write Randian, sounding so sanctimonious and yet he is not able to hear how absurd he sounds to other people.”


Gemini is really a difficult character to write and even to show in a book that’s rated PG-13 for general audiences.  Her backstory is so horrifying, and her anger is so vitriolic, that we really had to slap a warning label on the book for some of her extreme dialog.  She is the classic ALDONZA / DULCINEA tragic character, the prostitute everybody despises until one man sees her as a princess of honor.  She doesn’t know what to do with love or with compassion.  It provokes her.  There’s nothing funny about her past abuse, but the way that she treats people – even the people she likes – is a bit of dark humor.  She’s not just a bad ass, she’s a SCARFACE-like gangster and as sadistic or cruel as she has to be. Her murderous behavior and inability to control her psychosis recalls to mind the tragic figure of AILEEN WUORNOS.  Ironically though, when a man is strong enough to find her heart under all that rage, he truly discovers a teacher, a mother, a compassionate mentor. In her softer scenes, when she shows her true heart…it made me think of SISTER HELEN PREJEAN of Dead Man Walking fame. In the end, she really wants to help people who have suffered like her…the lost orphans of Cadabra.”


Jerry Quinn was originally designed to be a comic relief guy, and Salem the witch’s brother.  But since all of our comedy takes place in a very tragic and dangerous world, we felt it honest to explore the pain and mental disorders that actually DO create funny people.  Jerry does have a lot of funny one liners but the real joke is that he’s imitating CARSON and LETTERMAN when he talks to people.  He’s not really delusional and is aware of his surroundings…and yet he is socially awkward to the point that he just provokes everybody he meets, whether intentionally or not. He could be what you call a high-functioning Aspie (Asperger’s Syndrome).  You don’t really notice anything’s wrong with him until you actually pay attention to what he says.  It seems like he’s trolling you, the ANDY KAUFMAN rebuttal…but he’s actually just not communicating very well and is not conveying his message like a normal adult.  I also thought of COSMO KRAMER from Seinfeld because I admired the way Larry David wrote him…he’s not “slow” like Forrest Gump or Rain Man.  His brain is just operating too fast, and going places most of us can’t follow. I was also a big fan of Susan Harris’ Soap and the neurotic and un-saintly character of JODIE DALLAS, I thought, was amazing to watch. So Jerry was a huge creative challenge…not only writing a flawed gay character but also making him difficult to understand, hard to like, and yet the most poignant pathos of the series yet. ”


The WITCHES are the real wild card of the book and they’re not so easy to categorize because they bring a certain nihilism and anarchy to a very simple world.  They are metaphors for terrorists, as well as religious and political dissidents whose goal is to ultimately destroy society and undermine the ideologies that peaceful civilization holds dear.  So while Salem is what we might consider a nice “horrorist” who doesn’t want to hurt anybody, the Witches do want to uproot society and start over. Bianca Natalie and Rita believe they will rebuild the ashes of Cadabra after the “civilized kingdoms” destroy one another.  So what we have in Book 3 are several anti-conflicts.  All of these antagonists are against Wendy, making life inconvenient for her somehow, but oftentimes they don’t even realize what they’re doing.  The witches are watching Wendy’s every move, planning the uprising, and we can only presume Wendy has a backup plan that will save civilization as we know it.  Because although some of these anti-heroes may be irredeemable, recurring characters like Salem and Mary, give the trilogy its heart and soul and we DO care about how these catastrophic events affect their marriage.”


A Novel for Millennials?

(A novel for people who don’t like to read!)

“I wrote the trilogy as a political allegory, as well as a tribute to outliers and misfits of society of which I am a lifelong, card-carrying member. The story is a parody of Disney fairy tales but with the darkness and psychological horror of the original Brothers Grimm fairy tales. The genre is officially a tragic parody, that is, a satire with social commentary and harsh emotional intensity, but written like a sitcom or a Comedy Central cartoon. The books feature various characters who are of the LGBTQX community, including Princess Mary Melancholy, the (closeted) Parody Lesbian Disney Princess of the first book.

“People ask me, what were the motivations behind writing something so divisive and weird, instead of a more traditional young adult/teen novel? The series has a great deal of black humor and psychologically traumatic violence in it, which is all part of the political statement as well as the targeted audience of ‘outliers’. My goal in writing the series was to:

1. Show that religion and LGBTQX love can co-exist and perhaps as friends, not as segregated enemies.

2. Create an anti-war novel series. I am a pacifist and third-party supporter, very much opposed to commercial war and imperialism. War is ugly, War is Hell. War is rape and tyranny no matter who wins and if it was justified. I think my generation needs to be reminded of this.

3. Dare myself to write a fairy tale book where all the major characters were hard to like, but fun to hang around. Each one suffered from the twelve major personality disorders.”



“The reason for this was not just to troll my readers (although I adore antagonistic storytelling) but to actually make a book about socially awkward characters and how they interact. I myself am socially awkward and don’t get along with a lot of people, and I know there surely must be plenty like me in the world. So this series was a sort of coming out party for all the outliers of society who don’t fit in…and you know, it’s OK not to fit in.

In order to be more accessible to younger readers, I decided to write tragic parody style, books for people who don’t like to read, and would rather imagine the story as a movie or screenplay. That’s why there’s mostly action in the narrative, more dialog, more humor, more shock value. Not as much boring introspection, internal writer speak, and long verbose descriptions that keep a lot of teens/millennials away from thick novels.

Some people who read it classify it as mishmash because it’s too funny to be serious, too dramatic to be a comedy. I think the secret to writing good comedy is to realize the characters never understand they’re existing in a comedy world. They think of their lives every bit as painful as we would our own. Just because characters are funny and situations are farcical doesn’t mean there is an absence of tragedy. Tragedy is all around us and especially in comedy, because our pain brings out our deepest survival instincts. And laughter will always be a great way to cope with despair.”


Wendy is the real “wizard” of the Diamond Empire, a kingdom built on gadgets, robotics and a free market society.  Using her ultracomputer and her Cadabra-wide surveillance system, she can spy on everybody and plan their futures, playing God and pulling the strings.

But Wendy’s secret is spreading quickly.  Conspiracies abound about her father being dead and her entire royal ancestry being a sham.  What will the kings of Cadabra do once they find out Wendy is just a lonely teenage girl holding unlimited resources and power?

Wendy’s villains are increasing.  Conspiracy buffs, violent protesters, witch covens, assassins, vigilantes and multinational corporations are all determined to destroy the “Diamond Standard” and break the hold that the Diamond Empire has on the Cadabra economy.

It’s going to take an act of God to prevent a World War…or at least the sharp mind of a watchmaker’s child.

Audience: Young Adults, Millennials, LGBTQ & Young At Heart Hippies

Category: Fantasy, Satire, Parody, Allegory, Horror

Cast: CEO Wendy, Randian, Gemini, Jerry Quinn, Bianca Natalie, Rita, Prince Aaron, King Amram, King Satyre, Mary Melancholy, Salem the Witch

Although “The End of the Magical Kingdom 3: The Watchmaker’s Child” is not an age-restricted book, the story contains controversial subject matter, horrific scenes of sadism, and emotionally violent content that may trigger traumatic memories in some readers. Discretion is advised for readers under the age of 16.


Confused about the King of when and the Empire of where?  You won’t be, after consulting our Cadabra Island Travel Guide, a Wiki page that helps you plan your amazingly safe and completely harmless trip to Cadabra Island. Just look at the locals…how could you not trust these wonderful people?


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