2: The Saint of Science

It’s hard growing up in a House of Evil Queens when you have a conscience and must uphold the integrity of Science and Atheism. This is Sweet Blossom’s story.

Princess of Atheist Utopia Declares: “We Have Cured Religion. With the Help of Science, Racism is next.”

 

Breaking News: The most popular and beautiful princess in Cadabra wants to talk about social change. But Blossom must be ready to do some serious adulting if she wants to introduce progressive politics to a polarized society like the Commonwealth of the Pink SkyWill she take her political idealism to the next level or will she continue to be distracted by cute alpha males who fight for her attention?

(7:00, Fairy Tale Time, Cadabra)-Princess Sweet Blossom, the self-professed “Princess of Candy”, and second-in-line heir to the Queen Darwin Dynasty, has made her agenda known throughout her kingdom and all the way across Cadabra. In order for society to reach a Utopian existence, racism and religion must go.

“We’ve already eradicated religion from the Commonwealth,” Blossom explains. “Religion divides people. Religion starts wars. A strong belief in the morality of Science was the only way to destroy the hate of religion. In the Commonwealth, we showed the people of Cadabra how to live without a God. Now we want to show them how Love can unite us all, regardless of skin color or species.”

But does Queen Darwin IV, Blossom’s mother, share her daughter’s progressive viewpoints? Many Cadabra journalists still claim that the Palace of Saints and the Darwin Dynasty still represent a long line of “Evil Queens” that have terrorized innocent beings for generations. Rumors persist that racist talk and animal cruelty still happen behind closed doors.

Not only that, but Blossom is being targeted by alpha males everywhere, not for violence but something much worse – for marriage! Tom Callin, Galileo de Wolf III and Prince Aaron have all recently been seen with Blossom in public for what we can only assume are romantic dates. But what could they possibly be talking about? Are these outsiders influencing Blossom’s judgment? She needs to answer some questions from the press – and soon!

 

Book 2: The Saint of Science

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It’s hard growing up in a long line of Evil Queens and Wicked Stepmothers in the Palace of Saints, the royal family of the Commonwealth of the Pink Sky.  “Sweet” Blossom is a princess in waiting with big ideas on how to change the world, but she must contend with her scheming family, not to mention a sexual, cultural and social revolution happening all over Cadabra.

A woman destined to inherit power has many friends, suitors and enemies hiding behind smiling faces.  She must choose her friends carefully.  Prince Aaron is a nice guy and an old-fashioned idealist who struggles with the new wave of feminism.  Tom Callin is a foul-mouthed, two-faced opportunist who hides behind fake mouse ears and corporate promises.  And then there is the Big Bad Wolf, a master of disguise and an actor with an incredible range of false emotion.

Blossom can only choose one path on the road to Sainthood.  Will she follow her morals, her ambitions, or her aching heart?

Although “The End of the Magical Kingdom 2: The Saint of Science” is not an age-restricted book, the story contains controversial subject matter, graphic violence and violent emotional intensity. Discretion is advised for readers under the age of 16.

Magic Notes Cheat Sheet

The Pitch: “Imagine if everyone’s favorite (bisexual) Disney Princess had to fight Nazis…including her own mother, the Evil Old Queen / Führer, Queen Darwin IV.”

Plot: Princess Sweet Blossom must content with a sexual and cultural revolution, all the while introducing progressive politics to a bigoted Evil Queen administration. But Cadabra alpha males courting her attention, upholding the values of Science won’t come easy.

Love Story: Bisexual

Genre: Tragic Parody, otherwise known as a mishmash of Parody, Political Satire, Psychological Horror and Tragedy

Audience: Older Teens, Millennials, Hippies of All Ages, LGBT community, and cynical types (See Outcast Culture)

Narrator: Third Person, but a bit of an unhinged and delirious old coot

Motifs: Sexual Revolution, Patriotism, Science, Ethics

Symbols: Pinkian flag, candy, bizarre steampunk fashions

Writing Style: Parody, Sarcasm, Fairy Tale Spoof, Political Suspense, Character Study

Inspirations: The Icelandic Accord, Wicked, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and hours of wasted time arguing with social media users about politics.

Moral of the Story: Idealism and close-mindedness are dangerous, as Blossom soon discovers that all of her friends and enemies hold racist and bigoted attitudes that are not easy to change.

Reviews

“Since I have read “The Evil Princess” as well I can’t tell you if this is the first or second weirdest thing I have EVER read. If the Evil Princess was about subverting ideas about good/evil and religion (among other things and that’s just a guess) The Saint of Science subverts ideas about science and ethics (among other things) Both books are cynical, snarky, and full of strong female characters, I would call the books feminist (having read two now) but again, I have no clue. This book will disturb you in ways you can not even imagine before you read it but I guarantee you will never forget once you do.”

-Jen, Goodreads

“I’m loving this book! Brilliant comedy, the story is good and the wording is wonderful. Oh yes and you have mastered depravity in this book! The author shows true range and well-developed chops with crisp writing, thoughtful imagery and excellent character development. The story is compelling enough to make it a page-turner and, at times, raunchy and shocking enough to establish a train wreck or deer-caught-in-headlights effect. Thumbs up on this book! I look forward to future offerings from this author, especially in The End of the Magical Kingdom series!”

-Nick Upperman, Comedian

“I relearned how to chuckle since reading L. M. Warren.”

-Richard Fulgham, Author, The Hogs of Cold Harbor

 


Book Jacket Synopsis

(1 of 2, Slide Over One!)

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Characters

 

Memorable Quotes

“Above all else, I simply must believe in the inherent good of all beings.  If we cannot trust each other, what hope have we?  I have always been the type of person to take others at their word.  As a member of the Palace of Saints, and as a woman blessed with physical beauty, I realize how dreadfully unfair first impressions can be. 

Many years ago, I learned that it’s not polite to judge another person by their appearance.  It’s easy to laugh at someone because they’re different.  It’s easy to judge someone because of one mistake they made or to try to make them pay for it the rest of their life. 

Science teaches us that everything is matter, and the mass of an object is a measure of its energy content.  We are all energy.  We are all part of an interrelated ecosystem and we need each other to survive.  So it doesn’t matter what a person looks like.  What matters is what they say, what they believe, and what they are doing to make the world a better place.

I have learned to listen very closely and the rewards for my doing so are wonderful.  I have made so many dear friendships all because I dared not to judge.  I opened my mind to new people and new experiences.

As a maker of my own candy, I find that candy is the perfect analogy for my fellow Cadabra beings.  Each person is a different flavor, each with a unique mind.  But we can all come together for an amazing recipe of combined flavors, which will taste oh so sweet.

Fun Facts about Sweet Blossom

  • The “Pretty” Princess
  • Loves to make candy as a hobby
  • Is a “Pinkian” and so despises religion, capitalism and bigotry.
  • Believed to be second in line to the throne of her mother, Queen Darwin IV, after Dusk
  • A redhead and the most beautiful princess in all the land
  • A natural leader and charismatic young woman who enjoys giving speeches
  • A feminist and egalitarian
  • She enjoys flirting with men, women, and even Talking Animals
  • A social activist, bohemian artist and rebellious type
  • A little bossy
  • Has probably done more drugs than you have
  • Hasn’t seen her former playmates Princess Mary or Princess Wendy in ten years

 

Inspirations

 

Confessions

“Half of the book is about Blossom’s journey through adolescence and then slowly becoming a political activist. She fits the mold of the Princess Jasmine or Princess Bubblegum archetype, a powerful and juvenile-minded girl who still seeks to change the world for the better…”

“Both Jessica Rabbit and Red from Tex Avery cartoons are visual inspirations…”

“Her critics, of course, compare some of her policies to Adolph Hitler & Joseph Stalin…but I suppose everyone we don’t agree with is literally Hitler these days…there were cloaked criticisms of Democratic Socialism, Liberalism and Leftist Media, which is a radical shift from Book 1: The Evil Princess, which so vehemently criticized Conservatism, Religion and Right-Wing Politics…”

“Blossom is trying to fight against her lineage of Evil Queen mothers and do some good for the world.  She makes it a point to try to see multiple points of view, and to become empathetic towards others. The fact that she tries so hard is what makes her gain friends AND lose friends. Politics seems to be a game that’s impossible to win. The fact that Blossom DOES accomplish so much good in Cadabra, is a nod to Mother Theresa, a woman associated with sainthood but whose mistakes could certainly overshadow her charity in the eyes of some…”

Blossom’s pansexual enthusiasm, her advocacy for the LGBTQ community in a fictional universe, also merits comparisons to Lady Gaga…”

“Watching Blossom progress from a Little Red Riding Hood type girl, afraid of the world, and then eventually assuming the role of a powerful Queen, recalls Queen Elizabeth, a very strong female character that literally changes her world…”  

 


 

 

 

Memorable Quotes

The Orison to Science document includes “Seven Fallacies and Seven Facts”, each one a reminder to keep Science on a higher pedestal than the seven religious dogmas that permeated the rest of Cadabra.  That is, (1) sexual repression, (2) poor dieting and exercise routines, (3) Greed and greed-based systems, (4) unwillingness to conduct research, (5) ad hominem attacks, (6) surrogate god propaganda and (7) narcissism.  So the oath went:

Fact: A woman should be proud of her genitals.

Fact: No diet and no exercise are the birth of stupidity.

Fact: Money and profiteering statistically bring more death and suffering.

Fact: Peer-reviewed scientific studies are the only thing worth quoting.

Fact: I do not use ad hominem attacks and tu quoque logic to prove my point.

Fact: I have no need of a higher authority, prayer or a religious-based hierarchy.

Fact: I am never wrong because I never say anything unscientific.

Fun Facts About the Queen Darwin Dynasty

  • The Queen Darwin IV Dynasty is the ruling family of the Palace of Saints
  • This is an atheist, science-based kingdom…God and Religion are banned
  • Queen Darwin IV is not in good health
  • Princess Regnant “Dusk” is first in line to be queen when the Queen croaks
  • Countess Huxley and her daughter Lady Bramwell are also considered heirs to the throne
  • Blossom is the “Princess of Candy” and she should be happy with that title, nothing more, or at least that’s what the Queen said
  • The Commonwealth’s Military has its own sense of decorum and their own opinions apart from the Queen
  • The Committee of Science is a panel of renowned scientists whose job is to advise the Queen
  • The word “Pinkian” is mostly a derogatory term…to them, Atheism is the “truth”, not a belief
  • However, they are very fond of the color pink, hence the colloquialism
  • There are strange, creepy things going on up north, where the icy observatories are located
  • The Queen is evil…everyone knows this. Science ought to kill the old bat already!

 

 

“Your goal in politics is not to rule wisely or lead courageously but to WIN.”

 

The Palace of Saints “Chain of Command”

1. The Queen DARWIN Dynasty established 12 generations from the Great Fen Mien I

2. The Next in Line, Princess Regnant DUSK

3. The Committee of SCIENCE, composed of a few highly esteemed scientists who uphold the integrity of Science, Facts and Evidence

4. The HUXLEY House, Lady Bramwell & Countess Huxley, distant relatives of the DARWIN dynasty who have a legitimate claim to the throne

5. The Royal ARMY of the Palace of Saints, a large exclusively female army represented by a General

6. The SENATE of Seven Provinces, representing seven territories that comprise the Commonwealth

7. Other Relatives of the Queen, including the juvenile Princess of Candy, Sweet Blossom

Rebel Forces of Concern (aka the Evil Queen’s Shitlist)

1. Animal rights activists

2. Foreign investors including drug peddlers

3. Foreign princes that want marriage alliances

4. Witches from the borderlands that want to corrupt the youth

5. Multicultural mobs demanding “racial equality”

6. Sapphic princesses that want to flaunt their lifestyles

7. Scheming family members

8. Scheming generals of the royal army

9. Scheming bureaucrats who claim to uphold “the law”

10. Professional “comedians” who think being “funny” is a legitimate profession

11. Young men that dare to make unsolicited eye contact with the Queen

12. Robot, android and non-human mechanical beings, monstrosities!

13. Ghosts, or more to the point, people pretending to be ghosts

14. Strange new fashion trends like groups of girls dressing exactly alike.

 

 


 

 

 

Memorable Quotes

“Guys like me change the world, you know.  I’m selling life.  I don’t sell objects.  I sell the secrets of the universe, you see.”

“Oh, I see.  So you’re a negative thinker.  I see.  Well, okay that’s fine.  See, I don’t understand your world.  I am a positive thinker.  I am a big swelling ball of positive energy that brings balance to our universe.  So no, I can’t afford to be around losers.  Or negative thinkers.  Or girls that sit in hot tubs and just take up space while the world passes you by.  No, no.  I’m a winner.  I don’t really know what it’s like to constantly live in fear like you do.”

“No, I don’t need your name.  All I need is The Look.  The Look that says, Yes you are correct.  Regardless of how much I personally hate you, I still feel the energy.  I know what you say is undeniable and true.  I am attracted to you sexually, Mister Tom Callin, because your energy, your confidence, is eviscerating.  Your domination of the conversation, TOM, is so powerful and alpha-male it’s putting me into a hypnotic trance.  That’s what you call gut-level attraction, secret of the universe, the law of like attracts like!

Fun Facts About Tom Callin & TC Mouse

  • A real estate agent who owns property in the Outskirts, the Wilderness and the Commonwealth
  • A member of the “monopolist party”
  • He doesn’t take sides in political wars…he sells to everybody!
  • Total douchebag MLM marketer who tends to insult people
  • Likes to brag about himself, making Donald Trump look modest
  • Seems to be coked up all the time
  • Has an alternate persona he calls “TC Mouse”, a lovable character who speaks softly and tells people what they want to hear.  Whenever he’s in character of TC Mouse he wears a Mouse Mask
  • Multinational hedge fund villain who makes deals with all four kingdoms in Cadabra
  • Has a dark side and bizarre sex life that NO ONE wants to know about
  • Has the ugliest human face in Cadabra, or so they say
  • Not only claims to be evil, but brands himself as the Most Evil Man in Cadabra for commercial purposes
  • Sponsors scientific and genetic experiments that challenge the limits of science and all that is decent and good in the world

 

Inspirations

 

Confessions

“MLM sales guys are all kind of douchebags and so in the spirit of Jordan Belfort, Donald Trump and Frank Mackie of Magnolia, Tom was molded…”

“Loosely based on the Godzilla troll personality from Internet chat forums, the kind of guy who just shows up and must create conflict…”

“Tom is self-admittedly two-faced, since he assumes a wholesome Mickey Mouse / Walt Disney persona to sell his products and brand, and his personal psychosis and professional presentation is reflective of the Disney Company itself, which represents unrestrained multinational capitalism…”

“The natural opposite of Blossom’s Utopia, his mad science agenda compares to Christopher Lee’s classic Gremlins villain, the modernized Dr. Frankenstein who knows no limits, only possibility. And naturally, he has no empathy for his poor subjects…”

“Dick Christie in Small Wonder was the creepiest dude ever in a 1980s sitcom. And he’s definitely the face of Tom Callin.”

“A running joke in the book is Tom Callin’s ability to insult everyone around him, a nod to other sarcastic curmudgeons like Dr. House and Dr. Cox. The only difference is, whereas those doctors had souls and hearts, Tom Callin really has none. And he readily admits it.”

 


 

 

Memorable Quotes

“The name’s Galileo de Wolf the Third and if you ever want a good show all you have to do is ask. If you slap me five times I’ll stop being your friend.  Six times and I file for divorce!  Seven times and I might even stop trying to sleep with you.

Finally a laugh!  I was starting to think I was an entertaining a cemetery.  I hate playing cemeteries too because the crowd is so dead.  What a bunch of stiffs, I tell ya’!

My name is Galileo de Wolf the Third.  The Third I say.  Don’t confuse me with those poor schmucks the Second and the First.  I never heard of them.  It’s all coincidence!  They weren’t even wolves I tell ya.  They were donkeys.  My mudda never made it with no donkey, I tell ya!  And that lil’ bastard Galileo Junior!  The kid ain’t my son.  He looks like a walrus not a wolf.  I told that chick, ‘Honey, your baby has no dick and two giant fangs.’  You’d know if it was my son because he’d be walking on three legs.  Awoooooga!”

It’s about animal rights violations!  Animal suffering.  Prolonged suffering, years of suffering and years of indignities suffered by our kind and the hands of your people!  I wish racism was my worst problem.  Just because things aren’t perfect for your different colors of humans doesn’t make that anywhere near what animal life suffers on a daily basis.”

“What you see before you is the product of Macroevolution.  It’s not fallout from a nuclear holocaust, like the tabloids want you to believe.  It’s natural.  It’s the next step in human mutation.  Yes, I’m human…but more than half of me is animal.  That’s the way we all are.  We’re a new mutation of human that has occurred through natural change.”

Fun Facts About Galileo de Wolf III

  • A Talking Animal, a Big Bad Wolf, with shapeshifting abilities – but only when it’s FUNNY!
  • Loves to crack dirty jokes, applaud pretty ladies and make people laugh
  • Vaudevillian in his old-timey slapstick mentality
  • But he still loves to sing, dance and party with human girls
  • Shapeshifter sex – got its perks for sure!
  • Beyond his singing and joking, he really desires to be politically active and help stop the exploitation of his animal cousins from the cruelty of human beings
  • A loner, a rebel, a thief and a drunk; the notorious “Animal Banned Across Cadabra”
  • So talented he can play the piano with his tail; superior to human beings in practically every way
  • He represents many Talking Animals who inhabit the Animal Parish / Fallout Village
  • He believes humans abuse his non-talking cousins and is a moral crusader against animal cruelty
  • His Talking Animal buddies include Rabbo the Rabbit, Kluck Vanderbeak, and Leo Panthera
  • Has the hots for Princess Blossom…but doesn’t everybody?

 

Inspirations

 

Confessions

“He’s a ‘toon’ in the style of Roger Rabbit or the Tex Avery Big Bad Wolf including his genetic tendency to be ‘funny’ at all costs. But he also has a terrifying side like the old Big Bad Wolf from those vintage cartoons…”

“He has a Chaplin-esque artistic demeanor about him and he’s also a musical prodigy like Jerry Lee Lewis who can play the piano like a demon…”

“A sarcastic troll extraordinaire like Pee Wee Herman…”

“A shapeshifter like Otto from Star Trek, since most of these ‘toons’ don’t obey the laws of physics…”

“Not only like Merlin in his magical abilities, but also a bit of a sanctimonious prick when you get him started like Merlin. The bratty swagger of Galileo is one of his most interesting qualities…”

“Tailgate from the old Transformers comic book, the one who said, ‘Let me fellow mechanical beings go!” was an inspiration…”

“He has a very active political consciousness that most of his loony contemporaries lack. A touch of Malcolm X or Che Guevara gives this goofy character a touch of drama, because we have to assume if animals ever developed the ability to speak our language, many of them would be outraged at our cruelty and demand social justice for their kind…” 

 


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Continue on in the series with The Watchmaker’s Child. Confused about the Kingdom of who and the Kingdom of what?

You won’t be after consulting our Cadabra Island Travel Guide, a Wiki page that includes maps, kingdom descriptions and tour concierge tips for staying alive as you enjoy your dangerously unsafe wonderful adventure touring Cadabra Island. You’ll learn all about staying in the wonderful Kingdom of Gold, the amazing Diamond Empire, the majestic Commonwealth of the Pink Sky, and…all the other places, if you are so brave.