1: The Evil Princess

What happens when a singing fairy tale princess falls in love with a witch instead of the handsome prince she’s destined to marry? This is Mary Melancholy’s story.

 

Princess SHOCKS Fairy Tale Land Trading in Prince Charming for a WITCH. “I Love Her, Not Him.”

 

Breaking News: Princess betrays her family, friends and kingdom by falling in love with a WITCH instead of a prince. Authorities claim it’s not only unnatural for two females to live Happily Ever After…but the very idea of romancing a HORRORIST witch, who is an enemy of the state, is a treasonous action. Kingdoms all over Cadabra hope Mary will do the right thing and abandon this strange “fling”, so she can grow up, fall in love with a man and get married the way princesses are supposed to do.

(22:00, The Fairy Tale Times, Cadabra)-Princess Mary Melancholy, betrothed to marry the valiant Prince Aaron, has done the unthinkable.  She has fallen in love with a WITCH!  Anonymous Cadabra sources say she met the witch in the Borderlands, where witches and other demonic creatures are known to inhabit.

At this time, it is very likely that everyone has heard about the affair and sources say royalty is treating this story as REAL, verified fact, so there’s no sense in saying that it’s fake news. Mary should be held accountable and should answer to the Kingdom of Gold, the Kingdom of Blood, and her fiance Prince Aaron, whom she already agreed to marry before this act of infidelity.  We can only pray that Prince Aaron is merciful and can find a way to prevent another Cadabra-wide war.  Marriage peace treaties are not negotiable.  The people of Cadabra don’t deserve this kind of disrespect.  Lock her up!

 

Book 1: The Evil Princess

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The rules of being a fairy tale princess are simple:

1. Always overdress.
2. Always play to win.
3. Share with those less fortunate.
4. Stay true to yourself.
5. And for heaven’s sake NEVER fall in love with a WITCH!

Princess Mary Melancholy has no idea how to be happy. Self-conscious and socially awkward, all she really wants is to believe in something the way everyone else does. Her royal troubles abound since she’s engaged to be married as part of a peace treaty between two warring kings and has a weird habit of singing out in public.

Mary meets a witch named Salem who is cantankerous, bawdy and banned from the land because of her Evil intentions. But when Salem accidentally kisses the princess and they both feel a spark of attraction, a forbidden romance begins that threatens the future of two kingdoms.

Will Mary choose love and scandalize the family as The Evil Princess or accept responsibility and protect her people? This lesbian fairy tale is an Anti-Disney parody of conflicted feels.

Although “The End of the Magical Kingdom 1: The Evil Princess” is not an age-restricted book, the story contains adult subject matter, disturbing violence and harsh emotional intensity. Discretion is advised for readers under the age of 13.  

Magic Notes Cheat Sheet

The Pitch: “Imagine Disney musicals if they actually stuck to the original Brothers Grimm storyline. Or Game of Thrones happening in a Looney Tunes universe. Or an LGBTQ version of Star Wars directed by Stanley Kubrick.”

Plot: A singing fairy tale princess falls in love with a witch instead of the prince she’s destined to marry. This is a problem because her father Satyre has just signed a marriage peace treaty with his archenemy, Amram, ending many years of bloody war. Prince Aaron is a handsome prince and an all-around nice guy. He’s the man Mary is supposed to marry, in order to save her people. What’s more important, love or responsibility?

Love Story: Lesbian

Genre: Tragic Parody, otherwise known as a mishmash of Comedy, Fantasy, Coming-of-Age Drama, Horror

Audience: Young Adults, Millennials, LGBTQ & Young At Heart Hippies, Outcasts and Outliers of Society (See Outcast Culture)

Narrator: Third Person, but a bit of a strange and opinionated old fellow

Motifs: Religion, Atheism, Sexuality, Terrorism, Family Conflict

Symbols: A voodoo doll, many blue princess dresses, animal and mythological fashions

Writing Style: Antagonistic, Sarcastic, Modern Fairy Tale, Political Satire

Inspirations: This princess-witch romance was inspired by The Brothers Grimm, Animal Farm, and the old TV series “SOAP”. A wild mix of literature, genre and fanfiction, it’s sure to make for a surreal reading experience.

Moral of the Story: Mary Melancholy represents the constant struggle to find your self-respect and confront your greatest fears, even when you are surrounded by people who don’t believe in you.

Reviews

“The story is laced through with allegory and social satire that sometimes leaves you laughing out loud, sometimes gives you a much-needed attitude adjustment, but that always provokes careful thought.”

-Karla Fetrow, Author, The Icelandic Accord

“WOW! Just Wow! The plot was amazing and you had me panting and holding my breath and sitting on the edge of my seat. I see this as a movie!”

-Jennifer Lawson Perez, Author, Anastasia and the Cuban

“Absolutely brilliant! Raunchy and shocking enough to establish a train wreck or deer caught in headlights effect.”

“I gave this book 4 stars because it not only held my attention, but challenged me, sometimes frustrated me and ultimately made me talk about what I was reading with non-readers.”

-Grainne Rhuad, Editor

“More like 4.5 stars. one of the strangest books I have ever read. Satirical, snarky and sassy.”

-Jen, Goodreads

“Absolutely brilliant! This book blends fantasy, humor, satire, horror, and many other themes into a devilishly witty and beautifully written twist on the Disney-esque love story. Certainly not for children or the faint of heart, this yarn provides entertainment as well as important social commentary that is completely relevant and thought-provoking.”

-Nick Upperman, Comedian

“Different, funny, sweet, I loved this book. I hope it continues.”

-Alisha, Scribd

“Real chilling tone. Sexy and fun. Fantastic writer.”

-LezBeHonest15, Fanfiction.net

“Love the alternate take using Disney-esque characters in a darker Game of Thrones setting.”

-dBud, Archive of Our Own

 


 Book Jacket Synopsis

(1 of 2, Slide Over One!)

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Characters

 

 

Memorable Quotes

“Ten years ago, as a child, the world made sense to me. Everybody knew what they were talking about. Everything a grownup said was true, it was fact. I listened in awe, thinking everyone was so much more intelligent and book smart than I was. Then, somewhere down the line, we all grew up. And then one day truth turned into belief. And I found out the biggest joke of all. That nobody actually knows what they’re talking about. Grownups were just big kids who knew a lot more words. Everyone just pretended that they had all the answers.

But even now as I realize this, I still find myself speechless. Afraid. Not having a clue as to what I should say or do. Part of me still feels like I should pay attention to how Great and Important People act.

They say everybody believes in something. Believing in something makes people brave. It makes people loyal. It turns good people into great people. It makes not-so-good people want to change and turn over a new leaf. Stripped of everything else, belief is the only thing a person has. And then there’s me. I’ve never believed in anything. Maybe that’s why they call me Mary the Melancholy.”

Fun Facts About Mary Melancholy

  • The “Good” Princess
  • Naive about people and the world
  • Has hundreds of dresses, apparently
  • Engaged to be married to a handsome prince
  • Heir to 2 kingdoms, the Kingdom of Blood (her mother and father) and The Kingdom of Gold (her in-laws)
  • A blond and a beauty
  • But majorly depressed
  • Socially Awkward
  • Has a bad habit of singing to herself – which a lot of her friends and family think is weird and unhealthy
  • Not very good at giving speeches
  • The underdog Cinderella type, who also loves blue by the way
  • She doesn’t know what she believes…in fact, she has never believed in anything

 

Inspirations

 

Confessions

“Based on Disney Princess archetypes like Rapunzel, Cinderella, Belle and Anastasia. The joke is that she is the anti-feminist Disney princess at first, who eventually grows up…”

“Mary Melancholy is a polarizing anti-hero. Most people like princesses with kickass heroic qualities who are loyal to their country. Mary is a self-doubting, depressed and confused girl who can’t seem to do the right thing or be happy. She doubts the existence of God or Goddess. She wishes she could “believe in something” the way everyone else does. She’s a closeted lesbian who suffers from depression, similar to Laura Brown from The Hours…”

“Her facades on the outside, built for other people, are based on socially awkward comedic figures: All In the Family’s Edith Bunker, Friends’ Phoebe Buffay and The Office’s Michael Scott…”

“Mary is, perhaps, the person we ALL fall short of becoming, because of hot tempers, our pride and our thirst for revenge. A Gandhi-like figure, a Christ-like figure who has something to teach about the power of non-violent resistance…” 

 


 

 

 

Memorable Quotes

Greetings! I’m an Evil Witch and no explanation’s necessary! You already know what’s going to happen. Terrible, terrible things! 

My hobbies include cooking children, blaspheming God, sacrificing teenagers during black mass, masquerade orgies and stealing random things because I have no morals. Oh yes and all the other stereotypes, urban legends and murderous tales you’ve heard are absolutely true. My turn-ons include werewolves, vampires, demons and, oh yeah, Monarch Butterflies! Bwwweeheeheeheeheehee!

Aaaaand if you believe all that, then you’re just racist against witches!  Not all of us are evil you know. Some of us are just misunderstood.  None of us actually eat babies. I’m a vegetarian so I probably eat fewer babies than YOU do. 

And if you just talked to our kind once in a while rather than always trying to burn us at the stake, you might learn something.

I’m sorry if I come on too strong. It’s just my personality. My mother was Black Magic-Solitaire and my father was Warlock-Oath Breaker. I got a strong personality. I’m aggressive because it’s all I’ve ever known. My survival skills just spring up and kick my politeness skills to the curb.

And yes my animals talk. It’s the easiest spell in the book…all animals talk.  It’s just your choice whether you choose to listen.”

Fun Facts About Salem the Witch

  • Evil!!!
  • Or at least, we all assume because she’s a witch
  • Swears, which is unbecoming of a lady
  • Lives in the Borderlands
  • Supposedly talks to animals and is really into voodoo
  • Has black hair and pale white skin, another sign she might be evil
  • Doesn’t seem too interested in any handsome warlocks for some reason
  • A throwback to the old days, with her Vaudeville mannerisms and a certain butch machismo
  • She’s definitely the butch when it comes to dating, but she dresses like a goth girl and likes chasing the femme princess
  • Vegetarian, but not vegan (She only drinks milk if she gets consent from the cow)
  • Salem’s tough attitude is both her strength and her weakness
  • Even though Salem is not a bully or lout, she thinks of herself as ‘The Villain’ and overacts that role, making life twice as rough for herself

 

Inspirations

 

Confessions

“Vaudevillian-influenced performer, when comedy and singing were the language of the world. Like Mae West, a bawdy sense of humor and killer confidence…”

“Obviously, she’s influenced by the Wicked Witch of Oz particularly Wicked’s reboot…”

“We hear a little bit of Barbra Streisand from Funny Girl when Salem speaks to me…”

“Has a tough attitude like the Tony Sopranos and the Stanley Kowalskis of the world. And that rage against the world only makes her more enemies…”

“Visually, she seems an homage to Mad Madam Mim and Vanessa, Ursula’s alter-ego.”

“She wears all these “tough girl” personas are to protect her little orphan Annie inside, the kid who has no family, no friends, and is just looking for love and a place to belong…”

“It’s hard to say if Salem is a terrorist or not, because she doesn’t try to kill anyone unless they attack her first. Since she’s considered an enemy of the state, it’s questionable. One could argue that she is merely fighting as a soldier against a corrupt institution that she was never born into, nor did she join. So Salem prefers the term Revolutionary or Witch.”

 


 

 

Memorable Quotes

“I have been dubbed The Good Prince.  Prince Charming, as it were, by many people who know of my lifestyle.

I’m glad to come and finally meet you.  I do hope the walk to our restaurant wasn’t too long.  A lady shouldn’t have to walk all day long just to be meet a prince.  Of course, with an arranged marriage you figure you’re going to be paired up with an ogre.  But you are gorgeous, I must say.

When your parents have been searching for you for so many years, matchmaking, negotiating…and I have to memorize corny lines like ‘You’re a priceless treasure!  You are the most perfect of all God’s creatures!’  It’s frustrating.

Honesty is the surest test of compatibility.  If we can be honest with each other and produce an attraction, then we are capable of love.  Most of our lives we are dishonest with our friends, family and enemies.  But a soul mate demands total honesty.  That’s why it’s the most magical relationship of all.”

Fun Facts About Prince Aaron

  • The Prince famously involved in a love triangle with Mary Melancholy and Salem the Witch
  • Handsome, smart and funny!
  • Generous to the poor
  • Son of King Amram, the richest old dude in Cadabra
  • Beloved by the media and most people in Cadabra for his humanitarianism
  • Idealist, Old Fashioned and the Nice Guy Who Finishes Last
  • Wants to create a better world for everyone, fall in love and live happily ever after
  • Doesn’t care about wealth or looks
  • Can’t stand disappointment, personal failure or injustice
  • A complex, damaged guy who has secrets
  • Can’t stand jerks who break hearts…he’s loyal for life!
  • The heir to the House of Opula, Kingdom of Gold and the Kingdom of Blood if this marriage treaty thing goes well

Inspirations

 

Confessions

“Aaron is the fading Prince Charming archetype that we have practically retired in recent years – due to the fact that we associate Old Disney Princes with mostly negative qualities…”

“Visually, his clumsiness, his boyish good looks, recalls Prince Eric…”

Aaron thinks he is the hero, or even a Nice Guy manchild like Seth Rogan, but doesn’t seem to understand why people dislike him and his antiquated political and social views…”

“A caricature of John Lennon, who was such an amazing idealist and a dreamer, and yet, one incapable of carrying out his own goals of a peaceful world…Bono is also another example of a ‘humanitarian’. That is ultimately what Aaron aspires to be…”

“Aaron was influenced by great oddballs of older cartoons. He’s got the heart of Tom Sloane from Daria, a bad boy who’s easy to like, but difficult to love…Prince Lir from The Last Unicorn was also a complicated guy. An underrated, classic character…”

“I have no doubt in my mind, Aaron sees himself as Robin Hood, the Disney version. Not just a champion of the poor…but adorable like a fox…”

“I was never a big fan of Frasier Crane…but he did show us what a modern, intellectual extrovert looked like. And it was attractive…a worthy goal. Aaron is an intellectual, although not exactly in charge of his own personal life…” 

 


 

FAQs

Salem & Mary miniatures/figurines donated by Teeny Tiny Paintbrush

 

“Who are you people?”

The End of the Magical Kingdom 1: The Evil Princess is a book by author L. M. Warren.  It’s the “Tragic Parody” comedy-horror-fantasy book about a princess falling in love with a witch.  Future episodes are entitled, “The Saint of Science” and “The Watchmaker’s Child”.

“What is the Magical Kingdom and why is it ‘ending’?”

Ten years ago, three little princesses-in-waiting were childhood friends. In the first scene of the book, three protagonists of the story are established: Mary Melancholy, Sweet Blossom and Wendy. Notice how they interact, how they understand the concept of time passing, and realize a new generation is coming. Their parents used to believe in the ‘Magical Kingdom of Old’. But the children believe in nothing.

“Is this a fairy tale for children?”

Not really, and the story opens with a haunting image: a fairy tale princess emerging from the darkness who just so happens to be DEAD. She was once beautiful, a belle, and now limps along looking like a zombie princess from Hell.  This warns the reader of tragedy, violence and much suffering to come.

“That all sounds really gay.”

Yes, it is. For years, people have been calling for a “gay/lesbian fairy tale princess”. While that hypothetical movie may be years in the future, that doesn’t mean that we can’t use our imagination right now. Through original artwork, song lyrics, a quirky narrator and a little bit of magic, we get the definitive fairy tale musical experience, but this time reflecting our own real world and the issues that matter in the 21st century.

“So since I’m straight am I allowed to read it?”

“The End of the Magical Kingdom” series goes beyond that. This is a series that will boldly challenge the status quo of young adult and middle-grade fiction. Future books will introduce Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Questioning characters into the cartoon epic, as the struggle for freedom and happiness continues throughout the land of Cadabra.

“Why is it for 13 and up?”

This is a book that not all parents will appreciate, given the depiction of LGBTQ themes as well as themes of sex, drugs, and violence. However, this is a caricatured world that reflects our own. This series is for teenagers over the age of 13. The book comes with a warning label because of extremely violent scenes and harsh emotional intensity.  However, because there is no pornographic depiction of sex the book is technically not for Adults Only. Many in the literary industry have been asking for an official “ratings” system for literature, but nothing has happened as of yet.

“OMG am I reading porn?”

There is no explicitly erotic material in the book, however there are scenes of innuendo that might offend sensitive audiences. Even the worst scenes of violence described are left to the reader’s imagination. This is a book about dangerous ideas, not offensive content. The End of the Magical Kingdom certainly pushes the envelope for how much violence, psychological torture and sexual innuendos a writer can get away with, in a faux-fairy tale book. Some people have actually complained to author L. M. Warren that they got physically ill after reading the book. Well except for Heather Warren, who just got horny.

“Aren’t you worried about Amazon being a douchebag and censoring this book?”

There is no reason to censor this book, since sexual innuendos are commonplace in teen books – that is heterosexual activity. To discriminate against LGBTQ sex would be nothing short of discriminatory. Besides, if a child is gay, or transgender, or questioning, age is irrelevant. That’s not the sort of thing you can change, or hope he grows out of. It’s a reality that you have to deal with.

“Agent says, who’s the target audience?”

“The Evil Princess” is a book that aspires to mash up the most extreme elements of across the board fiction, from surrealism and comedy to the bleakest of drama and social criticism. The book series is not just a parody but also a caricature of humanity’s frail existence, offering readers a roller coaster ride of laughter, tears and rage. The target audience is not just LGBTQ, but outliers, anti-socials and people that don’t quite fit into modern society. It’s cool now to say on Facebook that you’re a ‘freak’ or ‘weird’ or ‘nerdy’, but the truth is most popular people don’t know what it’s like to be rejected by society, or be mocked by their peers, and to lose all self-confidence because of other people’s judgments. This is a book about not feeling connected to anyone you know, even the people who are nice to you. All of the protagonists and antagonists in the coming series have trouble relating to other people. How they get along with others, and what they do about their obstacles, is at the heart of the story.

“Can I pirate this book?”

I hope not! Come on, L.M. Warren is a cheap date and will tell you a great story for the price of a non-alcoholic drink. But on the subject, did you know L. M. Warren is a worthless drunkard in real life? Surprising, right? Read all about it on the Author page.

“Was the book was originally designed to be a full-length animated musical?

Yes. L. M. Warren kind of postponed that when he found out how fucking hard and expensive that was. He originally asked a talented musician to help him write the music if he wrote the lyrics. The musician shall remain anonymous. Anyway, Nick then said he couldn’t work with the lyrics and then asked his pothead acquaintance from an anonymous and questionably-talented band if they could help develop the music. The bandleader was so stoned out of her mind she literally ate the sheet music and then did terrible and gross things with Nick’s cell phone, which contained part of the conversation with Warren. Needless to say, the idea was scrapped. The was originally intended to be one movie, then one book, but things kind of got out of hand with three giant books.

 


 

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Continue on in the series with The Saint of Science.

Confused about the Kingdom of who and the Kingdom of what?  You won’t be after consulting our Cadabra Island Travel Guide, a Wiki page that includes maps, kingdom descriptions and tour concierge tips for staying alive as you enjoy your dangerously unsafe wonderful adventure touring Cadabra Island. You’ll learn all about staying in the wonderful Kingdom of Gold, the amazing Diamond Empire, the majestic Commonwealth of the Pink Sky, and…all the other places, if you must know.

You can also read Karla Fetrow‘s literary review of episode 1 at Subversify.