Book 1: The Evil Princess
This is Mary Melancholy’s Story
The rules of being a fairy tale princess are simple:
1. Always overdress.
2. Always play to win.
3. Share with those less fortunate.
4. Stay true to yourself.
5. And for heaven’s sake never fall in love with a Witch.
Princess Mary Melancholy has no idea how to be happy. Self conscious and socially awkward, all she really wants is to believe in something the way everyone else does. Her royal troubles abound since she’s engaged to be married as part of a peace treaty between two warring kings and has a weird habit of singing out in public.
Mary meets a witch named Salem who is cantankerous, bawdy and banned from the land because of her Evil intentions. But when Salem accidentally kisses the princess and they both feel a spark of attraction, a forbidden romance begins that threatens the future of two kingdoms. The choice is Mary’s. Will she believe in love and scandalize the family as The Evil Princess or accept responsibility and protect her people?
Although “The End of the Magical Kingdom 1: The Evil Princess” is not an age-restricted book, the story contains adult subject matter, disturbing violence and harsh emotional intensity. Discretion is advised for readers under the age of 13.
“Gut-splitting hilarious fun… laced through with allegory and social satire that leaves you laughing out loud.”
-Karla Fetrow, Author, The Icelandic Accord
“WOW! Just Wow! The plot was amazing and you had me panting and holding my breath and sitting on the edge of my seat. I see this as a movie!”
-Jennifer Lawson Perez, Author, Anastasia and the Cuban
“L. M. Warren is an author I can recommend whole-heartedley. He is a must read for we who love great literature!”
-Richard Fulgham, Author, The Hogs of Cold Harbor
“I gave this book a 4 star because it not only held my attention, but challenged me, sometimes frustrated me and ultimately made me talk about what I was reading with non-readers.”
-Grainne Rhuad, Editor
“Absolutely brilliant! Raunchy and shocking enough to establish a train wreck or deer caught in headlights effect.”
-Nick Upperman, Comedian
Mary Melancholy – Princess
“Ten years ago, as a child, the world made sense to me. Everybody knew what they were talking about. Everything a grownup said was true, it was fact. I listened in awe, thinking everyone was so much more intelligent and book smart than I was. Then, somewhere down the line, we all grew up. And then one day truth turned into belief. And I found out the biggest joke of all. That nobody actually knows what they’re talking about. Grownups were just big kids who knew a lot more words. Everyone just pretended that they had all the answers.
But even now as I realize this, I still find myself speechless. Afraid. Not having a clue as to what I should say or do. Part of me still feels like I should pay attention to how Great and Important People act.
They say everybody believes in something. Believing in something makes people brave. It makes people loyal. It turns good people into great people. It makes not-so-good people want to change and turn over a new leaf. Stripped of everything else, belief is the only thing a person has. And then there’s me. I’ve never believed in anything. Maybe that’s why they call me Mary the Melancholy.”
- The “Good” Princess
- Naive about people and the world
- Has hundreds of dresses, apparently
- Heir to 2 kingdoms, the Kingdom of Blood and The Kingdom of Gold
- Engaged to be married to a handsome prince
- A blond and a beauty
- But majorly depressed
- Socially Awkward
- Has a bad habit of singing to herself
- Not very good at giving speeches
Salem the Witch
“Greetings! I’m an Evil Witch and no explanation’s necessary! You already know what’s going to happen. Terrible, terrible things!
My hobbies include cooking children, blaspheming God, sacrificing teenagers during black mass, masquerade orgies and stealing random things because I have no morals.
Oh yes and all the other stereotypes, urban legends and murderous tales you’ve heard are absolutely true. My turn-ons include werewolves, vampires, demons and, oh yeah, Monarch Butterflies! Bwwweeheeheeheeheehee!
And if you believe all that, then you’re just racist against witches! Not all of us are evil you know. Some of us are just misunderstood. And if you just talked to our kind once in a while rather than always trying to burn us at the stake, you might learn something.
I’m sorry if I come on too strong. It’s just my personality. My mother was Black Magic-Solitaire and my father was Warlock-Oath Breaker. I got a strong personality. I’m aggressive because it’s all I’ve ever known. My survival skills just spring up and kick my politeness skills to the curb.
- Or at least, we all assume because she’s a witch
- Swears, which is unbecoming of a lady
- Lives in the Borderlands
- Supposedly talks to animals and is really into voodoo
- Has black hair and pale white skin, another sign she might be evil
- Doesn’t seem too interested in any handsome warlocks for some reason
Author L. M. Warren Says…
“Princess Mary Melancholy I expect to be a very polarizing character. I often write antagonistically and take underdog viewpoints whenever possible. Mary is a fairy tale princess burdened with self-doubt, which makes her a bit of an anti-feminist. But she represents the constant struggle to find your self-respect and confront your greatest fears, even when you are surrounded by people who don’t believe in you. Every princess leaves in the shadow of Fen Mein I, the Female Goddess, the paragon of politically correct and ideally perfect feminism.
I think Mary in many ways represents the archetypical singing fairy tale princess that we’ve seen many times before in animated movies like ANASTASIA. The tragedy of her, her closetedness and depression, is similar to Laura Brown from THE HOURS. But her facades on the outside, built for other people, are socially awkward comedic figures: ALL IN THE FAMILY’S Edith Bunker, FRIENDS’ Phoebe Buffay and even THE OFFICE’s Michael Scott. The suffering complex and her will to sacrifice her happiness for the well-being of others is a trait of GANDHI. In many ways, I feel Mary is an extension of myself, or maybe the person we all fall short of becoming, because of tempers, our pride and our thirst for revenge.”
Author L. M. Warren Says…
“Salem is a throwback to the old days, not only in terms of her old Vaudeville mannerisms, like Mae West, but also that butch machismo, that front of fearlessness, a bit like Tony from THE SOPRANOS. Her tough attitude is both her strength and her weakness. Brando’s Stanley Kowalski of A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE came to mind, even though Salem is not a bully or lout, she thinks of herself as ‘The Villain’ and overacts that role, making life twice as rough for herself. Obviously, she’s influenced by the Wicked Witch of OZ particularly WICKED’s reboot.
What I found most interesting about Salem is how much she reminded me of Barbra Streisand from FUNNY GIRL. The fact that she wears the label of witch, rolls up so many persecuted minorities of people, from lesbians to Jews to atheists, to so called “terrorists” to vegetarians and the poor. So there was an intentional effort to make Salem seem like all of the above, the kind of all stereotypes in one character that bigots are just ready to hate. And of course, all these personas are to protect her little orphan ANNIE inside, the kid who has no family, no friends, and is just looking for love and a place to belong.”
Confused about the Kingdom of who and the Kingdom of what? You won’t be after consulting our Cadabra Island Travel Guide, a Wiki page that includes maps, kingdom descriptions and tour concierge tips for staying alive as you enjoy your dangerously unsafe wonderful adventure touring Cadabra Island. You’ll learn all about staying in the wonderful Kingdom of Gold, the amazing Diamond Empire, the majestic Commonwealth of the Pink Sky, and…all the other places, if you must.
Read Karla Fetrow‘s literary review of episode 1 at Subversify.
Continue on in the series with The Saint of Science.