Dog is Dead!
The Late Mitchell Warren’s Raining Cats and Dogs is exactly what you fear: an anthropomorphic comedy-drama starring dogs, with issues of dog morality, dog existentialism, and lots of dog-on-dog hate.
Imagine if Fyodor Dostoyevsky went mad and wrote a book with an all dog-cast, or if George Orwell just gave up trying to send a message and decided to troll humanity with a dog murder mystery. That’s exactly what Raining Cats and Dogs is, and it’s Warren’s own distinctive brand of tragic parody, with sex, death, lost love and intellectual garble the likes of which would make Lassie whine or Old Yeller want to be put down.
This experimental novel was written in the spirit of Animal Farm and The Brothers Karamazov, with a bit of South Park-style bite for the new age. Whereas most people imagine dogs living in a perfect little society of mutual respect, G-rated bickering, and lots of tongue-wagging, we all know the truth: they are sick, perverted and violent, every bit evil as man himself.
When asked about the book author L. M. Warren whined and did the human equivalent of licking himself, er, metaphorically speaking.
“I think the book was easily the most honest thing I’ve ever written. Arguably the most humane and compassionate of all my books. Perhaps the only way I could bring myself to forgive the human species was by seeing them for what they are: just bigger and smarter dogs. Or primates, if you want to get technical.
We’re all just animals and the religion and politics, along with the the social crusading, the optimistic thinking and politically correct way of talking, it’s all just scratching our balls. None of it matters. Who cares who’s president? Who cares about making friends and having sex and writing deep philosophy? Dogs do it too. It’s called sniffing each other’s butt. Of course since we speak Human, we think our waste is the center of the universe.
Raining Cats and Dogs is my FINAL statement on God, religion, good and evil, and human morality. I don’t think a conversation with me on what I believe will get any clearer than what I write in the book. I am not a theist, not an atheist, and not really an agnostic – ignosticism is the closest label that fits what I believe.”
“By what right has the dog come to be regarded as a ‘noble’ animal? The more brutal and cruel and unjust you are to him the more your fawning and adoring slave he becomes; whereas, if you shamefully misuse a cat once she will always maintain a dignified reserve toward you afterward. You will never get her full confidence again.” -Mark Twain
“I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me they are the role model for being alive.” -Gilda Radner
“I think we are drawn to dogs because they are the uninhibited creatures we might be if we weren’t certain we knew better.” -George Bird Evans
“Woof. Woof Woof. Woof woof woof!”
-Ancient Dog Proverb
Public relations between dogs and cats have deteriorated greatly since Lady and the Tramp and The Adventures of Milo and Otis. In Raining Cats and Dogs, we catch a glimpse of the true nature of canine and feline relationships, and the racial differences that divide us all.
Raining Cats and Dogs tells the story of a murdered patriarch named Fido, a pure-bred dog hated by all, but murdered by one. Fido’s pups have grown up resentful; Diamond is a brute who dominates his pack, Ivory is an intellectual who doubts the integrity of man and Alex is Fido’s daughter who is accustomed to a life of luxury and denial. Did one of Fido’s own pups kill him or was he murdered by a mysterious “illegitimate son?” The shocking truth behind Fido’s murder will leave you scratching yourself and biting your own tail in horror!
The story is loosely parodying The Brothers Karamazov with an all dog and cat cast, but also works as a social criticism of modern society in the spirit of Animal Farm.
Audience: Adults, or maybe dogs
Category: A mishmash of anthropomorphic comedy and social satire
Cast: A cast of many whining canines, in the dozens!
Warning: Contains lots of dog violence, dog swearing, dog sex, and dog on dog hate.
Barking like a tramp because of these dog puns? Why not have a laugh? Visit 13 Dogs That Defined the Laws of Science to read absurd rumors and even crazier truths about L. M. Warren’s books. Or if you’ve completely lost your mind like the author clearly has, read what Warren’s insane motivations were when writing this travesty.