4: The Broken Divine

WHAT? Is that how it ends? What about the loose ends? It’s not over yet.

Don’t miss the final episode of the The End of the Magical Kingdom!

Breaking News: Cadabra is at war. It’s your patriotic obligation to join the fight and stand for truth, justice and good morals. Yes, YOU, the Cadabra resident reading this. If you don’t join us on the ‘right side’ of history then you stand against us. In that case, you become our enemy, not our friend. Those who stall or resist the revolution will soon discover that it’s too late to save them. If you want to survive this day of reckoning, you must join the movement now. Remember there are only two sides: Good and Evil. Don’t be part of the problem. Be part of the solution and join us in defending Cadabra’s honor. Keep reading to read about your enlistment obligations.

(666, 999, Fairy Tale Time, Cadabra)-Happily Ever After!“–Happily Ever After’ is a social construct, an impossible ideal, given the harsh realism of our world. Old-timey fairy tales were always conceived as nightmares gone wrong, punishment for children who wouldn’t go to bed early as they were instructed. Faith is a lie and existence is futile. Hope is…

Or so they would have you believe. But what if everything they told you was a lie? What if there was something you could do to change the future? What if there WAS a Happily Ever After but you were never meant to see it? What if they’re lying to you right now? What if RIGHT THIS MOMENT is your only chance to get out of this alive–!

Sorry, our system was attacked by a hacker. As we were saying, all hope is false hope, unless you accept the reality of nihilism. But there is such a thing as Positive Nihilism. That means that while you do see the futility of existence, you also accept your responsibility. Responsibility to your government, your community, and your neighbor. Here’s the truth. We are all in danger. Our children are in danger. And if we are threatened, we must strike back and win the war.

That is your only hope.

Sometimes war is the only option. At some point, we must stand for something or else we will watch as our great land falls to chaos, destruction, totalitarian oppression, and degeneracy. There is no such thing as Happily Ever After.

Innocent people must die in wartime, we all know that. But the good news is that it’s not for nothing. You can give your life for something truly meaningful, not a fantasy or a fairy tale, but something real. You can fight for freedom, for protection, for your prosperity and for your fair share. Yes, you can fight for true Democracy.

Book 4: The Broken Divine

How can there be a happy ending when so much destruction has taken place in the name of peace and goodwill? In the words of Princess Mary Melancholy, “Happily Ever After is always possible.”

In the story of Princess Elisa and her sister Katrina we find redemption and the “soul” of Cadabra that has gone missing. The bond between two sisters is the strongest in the world. But how strong is family love when tested by such monstrous forces of nature?

Can Princess Elisa , the most powerful princess of them all, survive ongoing threats of seduction, oppression, apathy and despair? Bianca and Rita, two powerful witches in the Wilderness, stand in the way of Elisa’s plans to save her family and start the chain reaction that heals Cadabra’s wounds.

If Princess Elisa is to win the war, she must learn to embrace people and teach love in a world dominated by hate.

This prequel and sequel to “The End of the Magical Kingdom” marks the end of the author’s princess war novel quadrilogy. Just as in fairy tales, Book 4: “The Broken Divine” ends with a hard-earned Happily Ever After, but not before a few plot twists, dark comedy episodes, and a bevy of psychological traumas.

“The End of the Magical Kingdom” is classic L.M. Warren – sarcastic, shocking, funny, and emotionally wrenching, but always with a life lesson. A book that you must experience to believe!

The final book includes 3 mini-books that will finish The End of the Magical Kingdom series and find the elusive “Happily Ever After” that fans have been eagerly waiting.

Although “The End of the Magical Kingdom 4: The Broken Divine” is not an age-restricted book, the story contains adult content, horrific scenes of sadism and violence that may trigger traumatic memories in some readers. Discretion is advised for readers under the age of 17.

The Broken Divine Cliff Notes

The Pitch: “What is it like growing up as a Wicked Stepsister and only being loved by the dark side?”

Plot: Princess Elisa (a princess in name only), copes with an erratic childhood, troubling years of adolescence, and an unstable decade of adulting. Desperate to fit in, she looks for love in all the wrong places. Along the way, she meets familiar Cadabrian friends and enemies.

Love Story: Polyamorous, Bisexual, Intersex, Transspecies

Genre: Tragic Parody, otherwise known as a mishmash of Funny Tragedy, Biblical Parody, Political Satire, Religious Allegory, and Psychological Therapy as Fiction

Audience: Literary readers, outliers, deep thinkers, compassionate liberals, Internet fanfiction readers, outliers (See Outcast Culture)

Narrator: First Person, but with three different narrators

Motifs: Sisterhood, patriotism, religion, atheism, PTSD, sadism, pacificism, social awkwardness, sociopathy, death, afterlife, happily ever after

Symbols: Mirrors, steampunk, snakes, fire, earth, stone and dirt, blood, zombies, demonic possession

Writing Style: Dark satire, black comedy, allegory, mishmash, Disney parody, antagonistic sarcasm, trolling art, psychological horror

Inspirations: Therapy, Goodfellas, The Godfather, Stanley Kubrick, Marquis de Sade, Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, Disney’s The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, Frozen, Edward Albee, Patrick Marber, Closer, True Crime, The Lion King

Moral of the Story: You can never run away. Happiness is a choice. It’s never too late to change. Death shall have no dominion.

 The Broken Divine Characters

Fun Facts about Princess Elisa

  • A tomboy and crabby girl, nicknamed the Princess of Shit, given her distaste for “girly things” and admiration for grime and hard labor
  • Had an erratic childhood, no father and crazy mother
  • But at least she had her elder sister Katrina as a role model
  • Learned “survival kills” at possibly too young of an age
  • Learned the art of black magic at possibly too young of an age
  • Her friends growing up were all wicked stepsisters and evil princesses
  • She seems to be attracted to good boys and innocent girls
  • Tends to make excuses for people, to the point of being a devil’s advocate
  • Loves reading, talking to snakes, and brooding in darkness – in that order
  • A bit of a loner, despite having many friendly acquiantances
  • Questions God frequently…but this patriot loves her kingdom
  • How in the world does she relate to the story so far? Good question…

Princess Elisa Memorable Quotes

One day I found God and so I asked Him, or She, or It, the question on everyone’s mind: “If you are good, why do you permit suffering?” I couldn’t see a face, but I sensed that God was contemplating the answer. After a long and very awkward pause God finally answered me. “Elisa, if I gave you the power to end suffering all over the world, if you could wipe out all the war, all the exploitation, and the pain and violence, would you do it?” I said, “Maybe that’s the difference between you and me.  I wouldn’t even have to think about it.”  God answered, “Good. So destroy human beings.”

I will admit to being not well-liked by most of my peers, those unfortunate enough to cross paths with my “ugly side”. Being liked is overrated, I say.  To be completely honest, I prefer to be hated instead of well-liked. When people hate you, social accountability is basic. You are the object of hatred. The very thought of your death and or suffering soothes people at night. It speaks to their innate appetite for justice. You’re the villain they need to feel better about themselves. You’re the incoming monster that threatens their happy little home, forcing a united front. You exist. You endure their beatings. That’s all you have to do.

But when people love me—and oh yes they have loved me dearly in the past—social accountability is confusing. What do you owe people who love you? How do you live with their disappointment? How do you plead for their forgiveness when you fail to change the world? Is it such a wonderful life to sacrifice everything you have, outside and inside, just to be a hero? To give people that glimmer of hope?  

Fun Facts About Katrina

  • The kind of pink-laden debutante that men write songs about, fight over and love unconditionally
  • The first Cadabrian of her young generation to take an interest in social activism and community planning
  • She speaks eloquently, and she might have your baby, she would make a really excellent mother…
  • The elder sibling, meaning she’s protective, loyal and very often bossy!
  • Prefers not to swear but to use funny colloquialisms
  • A feminist ahead of her time, concerned about the lingering affects of Patriarchy values
  • Doesn’t seem do well in romantic relationships, despite being the apple of everyone’s eye
  • Tries to avoid hate and negativity as much as possible, even when surrounded by miscreants
  • Can quickly ‘figure people out’
  • Always ready for a shopping spree to try on new cutting-edge steampunk dresses
  • A healer of souls, a girl who wants to help the community, destroy toxic thinking, save people – the family obligation!
  • Once she starts to care about someone, they can’t get rid of her that easily!

Katrina Memorable Quotes

“I know I’m right because it’s not my teaching, Elisa. It’s the secret of the universe! The energy we put out in the world inevitably comes back to help us…or destroy us.  

“I have always walked reluctantly through life.  I never wanted to grow up, I never asked to be a favored child, even though my late father destined me for greatness.  I never understood the first thing about being a functioning adult.  I resisted, oh Science, how I resisted.  And when life chose to grab me by the hand and thrust me forward, I ran, in a sense of fleeing desperation I ran, stomping my feet not in spite but in quivering fear – in dreadful anxiety awaiting the harrowing existence that unraveled before me, mocking my insecurities, desecrating my every moral conviction-!”

“Every time you hurt yourself you hurt someone else. I want to spare any innocent girl of the damage you will do to her psyche if you continue in this downward spiral. That’s what friends do for each other. We bear the pain together. Because no one else will. Because no should ever be alone. No one should be forced to suffer, carrying that burden of unspoken grief. Better that we suffer alone, together, in our incurable miseries than bring anyone else into this circle of fire.”

“Elisa! I’m surprised at you! I am not telling you this as some sort of arbitrary law. I’m not Queen Darwin, am I? I have no power. I am merely challenging the people to admit their faults. Admit their sinful state of being born into Toxic Happily Ever After attitudes. And to repent, by fighting for social justice. Because that is what a community is supposed to do.”

“Someday I’m going to be at peace with myself, beloved by others, cherished by many, a friend to everyone in need, and a heart exuding only positive energy. And when that happens, you can all go fuck yourselves.”

Princess Elisa & Katrina Inspirations

Author Confessions

“Elisa von Tarassis is based upon many of the ‘tomboy’ era princesses of Disney films. Not only female characters that eschewed princess stereotypes, but who flirted with anti-social traits. MULAN, SALLY, and PRINCESS EILONWY came to mind.”

“ANNA from Frozen is certainly an inspiration…her naivete, her rather docile nature that could lead her down any path, regardless of whether it’s a destination or a road to perdition…”

“I would be lying to myself, if I didn’t include the pessimist EEYORE as an inspiration, not only of Elisa’s personality, but my own personal struggles…”

“Ray Liotta’s portrayal of HENRY HILL in ‘Goodfellas’ left a deep impression on me, particularly the pathos of a man who grew up never actually learning anything except mafia love and respect…”

“I grew up watching DAN FIELDING of ‘Night Court’…he was one of the first depictions of promiscuous behavior…

“BEN SANDERSON from ‘Leaving Las Vegas’ comes to mind, his self-loathing perspective eventually reaching a point of narcissistic vanity…

“ELEVEN from ‘Stranger Things’ and all those cheesy Netflix movies, like ‘PRODIGY’, where the girl has telekinetic powers…”

“HEATHCLIFF, well probably the cat, and maybe not so much the brooding tyrant from Wuthering Heights…Elisa never had a problem with bullying and that’s one good thing about being a tomboy who knows how to fight…”

“Visually, Katrina was an homage to exaggerated personas of sensual femininity. KATRINA VON TASSEL from ‘Sleepy Hollow’, and MINERVA MINK.” 

“ELSA was also an inspiration, though not necessarily her look. Rather, her antisocial and outsider personality.”

“GLINDA THE GOOD WITCH, obviously, for her sunny disposition and optimism, a stark contrast to the wicked witch.”

“DEAN from ‘Supernatural’, the brave and stubborn elder sibling, highly protective of his younger sibling who is always treated like a weaker-minded specimen…”

“Who didn’t love SARAH-MICHELLE GELLAR in the 90s…always playing such heroic characters…”

“The FASHION CLUB from ‘Daria’ was a hilarious gang of pre-social justice warrior fanaticism, so I had to chuckle at the comparison…”

“I doubt there’s been a portrait of mad, sexy altruism as brilliant as JESSICA TATE from SOAP…”

“TEELA and SHE-RA had to play a part in Katrina’s creation, as they were all very concerned with spreading Public Service Announcements…”

“ELIZABETH from ‘Pride and Prejudice’ and her flowery language inspired Katrina’s manner of speaking, a testament to her high standards…”

Fun Facts About Bianca Natalie

  • Somewhere beyond the Wilderness, a coven of powerful witches lie in wait.
  • Namely Bianca Natalie, the Heretic Witch, and her den of subservient witches
  • Bianca has her own private practice of “Astral Therapy”, healing for poor, unlucky souls
  • The witches believe in anarchy – the right to reject all centralized jurisdiction and let small societies make their own rules
  • Bianca does so much “astral travel” she’s got frequent flyer miles!
  • These witches are not exactly licensed professionals when it comes to therapy
  • But they have uncanny powers the likes of which no witch to the west can ever fathom
  • Bianca has a few predictions about how the world is going to end and what will be left to rebuild
  • Surgical transgender change is so yesterday. With a little magic, true gender fluidity can be achieved
  • Bianca also has the power to see glimpses of a person’s life just by touching their hands
  • But how can anyone trust a coven of witches? They seem, at times, nihilistic and sometimes…oh what’s the PC term…sanity-challenged, maybe?
  • Unfortunately, as fate would have it, these witches must cross paths with some of our favorite heroes and anti-heroes

Bianca Natalie Memorable Quotes

“Witches are the ones that pioneered same-sex relationships, hon. We are iconoclasts. For a long time, we have dismantled the structures that Literate Civilization has introduced with their rules and standards. We outgrew the concept of Sapphic and Two Spirit sexuality a long time ago. They are labels worn by a society with a neurotic definition of private identity. The scale of human sexuality is very complex. Those who insist they are only Sapphic or only Two Spirit are clinging to a social construct volunteered by people with a very peripheral vision of unity. It’s insulting. Thinking people realize that no one is entirely a breeder or a bumper. Much like any animal, we have the ability to adapt our bodies and sexuality according to environmental changes.

We, the outliers, the revolutionaries and the independents will burn every last trace of these democracies, monarchies and oligarchies that have plagued us for thousands of years. But people will be left. Small societies. Villages. Neighborhoods. Independent lands where people will be allowed to live happily ever after. Making crafts and jewelry. Creating art. Procreating and eating. We will live like animals. It will be anarchy. And it will be beautiful. Certainly, you understand the wisdom of anarchy as opposed to the corporate world of kings and queens.

Give me your orphans, your lost sheep and ugly ducklings, the ones you despise, the ones you pity because they’re dying. I’ll save them. I’ll give them a home. I’ll turn your trash into Great Living Art. And I will teach them not to pray, nor give vows. And they will live happily ever after, without You.”

Bianca Natalie Inspirations

Author Confessions

“Bianca Natalie is a mindtrip just to talk to. She’s a hard-edged intellectual recalling the most intimidating science-speak by Dana Scully, but she also has empath abilities, much like Counselor Troi on Star Trek. This combination of intellectual dominance and emotional pull, makes her extremely powerful, really enough to dominate and control every witch that comes to be healed…”

“Oh and the fact that she’s extremely powerful, to a demonic or Satanic degree, just makes her scary to be around, for even the toughest visitors. Supernatural’s Amara certainly comes to mind and her enemies quickly realize this is no ordinary witch, not even something as common as a demon…”

“The most unusual aspect of Bianca is that for all her power and dominant abilities, she chooses to be a mother figure, just like Wendy. Bianca recalls mother hen type personalities like Red from OITNB or even Grandma Abuelita from Disney’s Moana. She really shows herself to be a caring person, interested in the well-being of her patients…”

“But her darkness can’t hide. Everyone senses something is off about Bianca, though not everyone can pinpoint the issue. They think she’s an Ursula or even Hannibal type that could basically persuade anyone to do anything. Unlimited power is frightening and that’s what everyone senses from the Witch Doctor…”

Fun Facts About Rita

  • She used to be a high-ranking military general for the Commonwealth of the Pink Sky, serving under Queen Darwin IV. But she got fired.
  • Now she’s a trained killer and has joined a coven of witches, led by Bianca Natalia, a powerful witch doctor.
  • Rita is not just anti-social or psychotic…she’s a “deadly AF monster bitch”, as a princess might say.
  • She calls Bianca “Nanny” for some weird, creepy reason.
  • Unfortunately, Rita is suffering from some form of PTSD, mixed with psychosis, mixed with eroticized rage, mixed with a suicidal death wish and an ex-soldier’s nihilistic contempt for humanity
  • Add excessive alcohol and pot to that, and she’s not that easy a girl to talk to
  • Rita’s kink seems to be tentacle sex, pitching not catching, which doesn’t bode well for people she doesn’t like.
  • Though she’s aggressively bisexual, she has no problem bullying boys, girls and non-binaries – constantly reminding everyone she doesn’t like that she committed horrific war crimes at the request of the Queen
  • Actually, she says the same thing to people she likes too. She makes the Wicked Witch of the West look like Dorothy.
  • She is not funny at all. So her cracking tasteless jokes and making all sorts of hateful slurs is a serious downer to any party.
  • Bianca’s therapy for Rita doesn’t seem to be working as of late.
  • Alignment System: Chaotic Drunk, Neutral Stoner, and Lawful Out-Of-Control Bitch

Rita Memorable Quotes

“You what your problem is? You’re a (CENSORED).”

“All you people are the same. You just (CENSORED) (CENSORED).” “You know what kind of things I did when I was a soldier? (CENSORED). Like we’re not supposed to talk about? We (CENSORED) (CENSORED) (CENSORED).” 

“You know how good of a cook I am? No seriously, you know how I know? I’ll tell you. (CENSORED)” 

 “{Snoring} You piece of shit… {snoring} …dumb (CENSORED). {Snoring} Zzz…You gonna finish that, princess?” 


Rita Inspirations

Author Confessions

“Rita is an homage to some of those veterans that did NOT come home from the war OK in the head. She probably has PTSD, but with anti-social personality disorder to boot, she’s not a pleasant person to be around. Whether she’s happy or sad, she has the face of Pyle from Full Metal Jacket. You can’t win with her, can’t live with her. It’s sad to say she’s not an entirely fictional person…you’ve never seen her on television or in books, but you sure as hell have met people like her in the neighborhood…”

“Racist, homophobic, hateful, and robbed of every pang of conscience…but really someone who hates every person equally. A true nihilist and a misanthropic person who just wants to hurt other people the way she’s been hurt. Mallory from Natural Born Killers is a fair comparison…”

“Remarkably, Rita’s psychosis is somewhat tempered in the fact that she’s some strange love child of Lydia and Beetlejuice that’s interesting to watch. She’s a goth girl who plays innocent, then goes full pervert on you, defying the laws of physics as witches are known to do. Then after offending you, or attacking you, she calls you her best friend. Not just lonely, but dead inside, the worst moments of Lisa from Girl Interrupted…”

“You can almost sense that she used to be likable, in that Mia Wallace or Meg Ryan sort of way…you know, before Meg Ryan became a raging alcoholic in When a Man Loves a Woman…”

“Demi Moore’s performance in Disclosure is an amazing study of sexual harassment and rape coming from an aggressive female perspective, another influence in building Rita’s character: one part asshole, one part vixen who is attractive and hard to resist. If sexual exploitation is about power, not sex, then the idea of power corrupting even decent people is a frightening thought…”

“She is, to an extent, Scar the Lion in human form…but whereas Scar was irredeemably selfish and evil, there is a self-loathing and self-aware side to Rita. She works hard to drown her humanity with booze. She has a vicious anger that recalls to mind Christine Chubbuck…”‘

Fun Facts About Valiant & his Platoon

  • Flags are waving and patrotism is high. The Renaissance Drone Army is there to serve our country and protect our freedoms
  • Some brave young soldiers are shipping out to join the Royal Army and make their country proud
  • It’s a dangerous time to join, given that the Cadabrian wars going on
  • Some boys are veterans, some are refugees, others are joining the service for the first time
  • They sort of understand why the war is happening…sort of…something about rings or giants or great evil, or something weird
  • Their motto is “Never leave another prince behind”
  • Colonel Abraham is a bit of a dick, or so some say
  • Captain Carl Gene is the womanizing flamboyant type
  • Prince Lala Kamudeen is the feisty would-be king
  • Conquistador Glaze is the snob of the group
  • Valiant is the kid everyone underestimates and claims he’s pretty good with a sword (but no one’s actually seen him in a sword fight)
  • Tully and Marlee don’t speak Cadabra English, apparently
  • Local princesses and debutantes are certainly interested in learning about these handsome new arrivals

Memorable Quotes by Valiant

“I dunno…I am okay with a sword.”

“I don’t have any other skills besides swords.  So dad told me the military will take care of me.”

“Hey, it’s no biggie. I had a few chances to lose my virginity.  I chose not to do it.  No regrets.  It just wasn’t the right time.”

“Come on. We’re friends. We get pissed off at each other. We say stupid shit. But we get over it. Come on back.  Be brave.  So what if you made a scene? Tell them to suck it and sit right back down.”

“Well…one day when I was visiting Yven with my dad, I saw the weirdest, coolest thing in the arts district. It was a book but it was also a painting. It was like an illustrated book. A book with pictures and each of the characters spoke dialog. It was so neat, almost like watching a play or one of those Diamond people short films. But it was funny. You know, the main character was a talking dog. So I want to draw and write a funny picture book. My heart would definitely be in that.  I’d make it the best one ever!”

“It’s actually a witch recipe…not that I colluded with any witches. But a friend of a friend shared the recipe and I liked it. So I made it. I’ve just never liked the taste of it. I’m not actually a witch. Not into animal rights or anything like that.”

“I’m not going to kill my friend in a pretend sword fight. I don’t believe in fighting for sport. I don’t believe in causing pain or death of any sort. What kind of a hypocrite would I be if I had a good laugh over pretend sword-fighting? He wanted to show off so I let him. It has nothing to do with self-defense. But I didn’t want to hurt him, or kill him. I didn’t even want to embarrass him. He wanted to feel better about himself, and if it comes at my expense, so be it. I don’t care. I have nothing to prove.”

Valiant Inspirations

Author Confessions

“The subplot of the young ‘veterans’ arriving into town is a foreshadowing for later plots and revelations. The simple town Elisa and Katrina grew up in forever changes when the Colonel and Captain come down and introduce politics, war and patriotism to a simple community…”

“Most notable of the group is Heath Valiant, a scrawny young kid who can’t seem to find a job that he likes…he decides to join the military and become a man…”

“Obviously, each one of these young ‘princes’ are loosely based on Disney Prince or Disney villain stereotypes. Bones, Hook, Aladdin, Shang, Flynn, Tulio and Miguel, and so on. Their innocence is eventually tested, however, as they learn about military culture…”

“Naturally a small town with just a few girls or ‘princesses’ can’t help but get involved in the lives of these boys…”

“Valiant is the stand-out and proves to be a capable leader and hero over time…but he’s not the easiest guy to get along with and that provides some of the story’s conflict, as well as a lot of its heart…”

“Naturally, it was an act of love to name Valiant after the wonderful character Eddie Valiant from Who Framed Roger Rabbit…a little gruff and old fashioned, but a heart of gold…”

Warning: Spoilers

A Rundown of All Your Favorite & Hated Cadabrian Characters

Warren on “Good and Evil” 

“One of my aspirations as an experimental writer is to do away with simplistic labels like Good and Evil.

I don’t believe in heroes or villains. I don’t write about heroes. I write about anti-heroes.

I don’t write about villains. I write about antagonists. The ones who stand in the way of the anti-hero accomplishing their goals.

Sometimes I say in my interviews that I don’t “like” heroes or likable characters when I read. True…but that’s not to imply that I never actually write them!

I do. At least according to the loose definition of “likable.”

But “likable” is a nothing word like Hero or Normal.

I think to an extent readers do desire characters that are likable at least in the sense that readers can:

(A) Understand how the character feels by pathos
(B) Notice characteristics of this person that seem familiar
(C) Admire the character for their unique (and possibly latent) abilities that are “beyond average”
(D) Admire the character for an unusual but entertaining perspective
(D) Appreciate the situation the character is in and the opportunity to live vicariously through this character
And here’s the challenge…
(E) Adore the character for having good intentions.

This is a challenge for a writer because altruistic “heroes” are so outside the bounds of reality, they’re cartoons. They’re caricatures. It’s a stereotype, just like the buxom blond or the studly gym rat.

It’s much easier to write a villain that has good intentions but a flawed plan of action, (vs. a familiar hero archetype) than it is to explore a realistic anti-hero who has the capacity for both Good and Evil.

When I write, I don’t intentionally choose deviants, criminals and monsters to focus on. That’s boring. The True Crime genre has enough of that.
The goal of literature should be to find the heroism and the villainy in more realistic and true to life characters. Heroes and villains are in all of us…but no one is capable of being either one for their entire lives.

Propaganda taught us that some people are good and some people are evil. Nature gave us the desire to find fault with each other – the thirst for war, vengeance and separatism.

Conflict in literature comes from the clash of ideologies, misunderstandings, and a failure to communicate and compromise.

Along those lines, I’ve decided to create a D & D Alignment Chart for my satire quadrilogy, The End of the Magical Kingdom.

Rather than create stubbornly absurd labels like Good and Evil, I’ve decided to use other popular and judgmental colloquialisms to better pinpoint the character’s personalities.

Behold the Alpha Nerd

Rather than Good, Hero, or Princess, I opted for “Nerd”. Nerd has historically symbolized someone who thinks against the grain, doesn’t fit it in (nor tries to), and excels in a particular field to the point of being an expert. Nerds outrank Geeks because Geeks are socially inept but still lack the patience to learn as much as a Nerd. Nerds are the true alphas of the socially stunted.

Valiant, Mary and Jerry represent the gamut of benign personalities, each one uncompromising to the point of alienating others, and yet all three beautiful in what they stand for.

The Rise of the Asshole

Rather than Evil, Villain or Bad Guy, I opted for a more universally accepted term: The Asshole. The asshole eschews traditional labels because they are admittedly self-centered and anti-social compared to more polite and respectful characters who are easier to get to know. But the Asshole is not necessarily evil, nor do they think of themselves as mean or even an unlikable person. They are simply less tolerant of what they perceive as annoying people. WE, the observers, are the ones who give them the moniker we feel they deserve.

Blossom, Rita and Katrina represented Assholes in different stages of life: the Idealist, the Cynic and the Corruptor.

Prepare to Judge the Slacker

I used the term Slacker to replace Neutral because in theory Slacker characters COULD have accomplished something admirable and become a savior or at least a friend to the protagonist. However, in the end, they didn’t quite reach as far as we thought they might. Or perhaps they didn’t try hard enough. Maybe they would have won their contest if they had a better plan. They failed to help the protagonist, not necessarily because they didn’t act, but because they made a questionable choice that resulted in bringing about no change, just the status quo.

Perhaps characters like Galileo and Gemini were self-sabotaging, more than misguided. They knew what they wanted to accomplish but fell to their own demons. As for Randian, the motivations of some slackers will always remain a mystery.

Be Nice to the Jackass

The Jackass character is neither a true Asshole or an admirable Nerd. The Jackass simply screws up, understands more or less why they screwed up, and continues to screw up all the more so. The Jackass is easy to root for, easy to admire because of good intentions…but then makes such dunderheaded decisions, they inevitably bring harm to themselves, harm to their friends, and pretty much harm and suffering to everyone they know. The Jackass is not necessarily irredeemable. However, waiting on them to grow up and become anything resembling a Hero or a logical thinker might be an exercise in futility.

Aaron, Elisa, and Tom wrestled with their moral compass, to the point where they seemed capable of making humanitarian decisions. In the end, their egos and the darker aspects of humanity overwhelmed their desire to be make people happy.

Tolerate the Weirdo

Finally, we have an entirely different class for characters who are proactive, somewhat admirable, and have good intentions…but due to their esoteric, confusing or gonzo motivations, they never quite earn the trust of the reader. When they are given any responsibility, they disappoint. When they are told exactly what to do to achieve a simple goal, they rebel. Even though they can make moral and socially guided decisions, they are surprisingly impure when it counts…and not because of a lack of ability or understanding. They’re just weird!

Salem and Wendy both fell short of being stable and altruistically guided characters. Their respective personality disorders may have prevented them from achieving the “perfection” they sought in the world. Unfortunately, traumas from the past proved to be their primary motivators for the future. In the case of Bianca, the past, present and future were all so closely intertwined, it would be impossible for her to settle on such a vague descriptor as Good, Hero, Nerd or even Goddess.

In conclusion, labels tend to be as misleading as synopses, and as ambiguous as as the “moral of the story”, which is far better when it’s unclear.

I as an author can only aspire to be an Alpha Nerd someday, preferably one notch above Asshole and one notch below Lawful, since always following the rules tends to be a bore.”

Can’t wait for episode 5?  No, no, this is actually THE END. No more episodes after this. Who knows, maybe you’ll inspire the author to write a new satire book and new world someday.

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